If you haven't read the first part of this article series, click here to check it out, then come on back!
As we've covered here in the past, most notably so in the first part of this series, relationships are a beautiful thing when treated with care. Of course, like everything pure in our lives, they have the potential to become corrupted when dark influences are introduced to the situation. There's a middle ground where things start to go sour, and that length of time is where most people are in denial about the state of their relationship.
You should never assume anything without knowing both sides of the story. However, you can't allow yourself to be so blind that you ignore the problems that are present. Without full disclosure, you won't get anywhere with your partner, and before long there won't be much left to defend. What kinds of signs should we look for in these situations?
1) When the relationship becomes an afterthought.
Life may be a confusing experience for us all, but this fact is no excuse for being a crappy person. You don't necessarily have the obligation of letting your partner know every detail of your life by any means, but this doesn't mean you can just leave them on the sideline as you pursue a false sense of identity on your own.
This also doesn't mean your partner needs to share your dream with you - quite the opposite, in fact. Both of you should have your own aspirations for where you want in life, with the idea being that you maintain support for one another through these endeavors in order to encourage success on both sides. No relationship can survive without proper communication and cooperation from both parties involved.
When one member becomes too concerned with the needs of themselves to a point where the other starts to feel like an afterthought, it has officially been taken too far. Usually when things get to this point there will be some kind of warning issued from the party who feels ignored. When these signs are ignored, you're just asking for a downward spiral that will eventually lead to a devastating split. Look for these things before they get out of control, and never let your partner feel like nothing more than a trophy you pull from the shelf only whenever you so choose.
2) When they refuse to discuss serious matters face-to-face.
Disagreements are perfectly natural for all relationships. You can even argue that it's healthy to have them now and then (so long as it's kept peaceful), but there are differences between disagreements and full-on fights.
Whether it's a difference of opinion or something much more serious, arguments are something that you may find are much more effectively handled through some kind of face-to-face conversation. People are busy these days and that's okay, but if nothing else, a simple video call can go a long way over sending a few elaborate yet poorly-worded texts.
I've seen both sides of this situation. I can say firsthand there's a clear preference here.
This doesn't guarantee that there will be a peaceful resolution to the argument. That part is completely up to the two of you and how willing you are to work through the situation, but miscommunication is spreading like a disease through text messages, causing all kinds of problems that could have been otherwise avoided.
You need to be confident. If you really love this person, you should be more than willing to have a heart to heart with them to sort out your disagreements. If you can't, you may find yourself discussing your inevitable breakup with them instead.
3) Negativity breeds negativity, and they are the source of it.
There's a pretty distinct difference between realism and pessimism. In this current day and age, this seems to be an ever-growing predicament as people claim to believe in the former while actually showing all signs of the latter.
As time continues to march forward, it's undeniable that there are many terrifying aspects of growing up and learning to do everything for yourself. This kind of development is pushed harder than ever before during the college years, which can easily push stress on young adults just trying to get by. It's okay to be uncertain of your future, and it's fine if you want to reach out for help.
However, what's not okay is allowing yourself to sink into a mindset that consumes you with dark thoughts claiming life will never improve for you. This will lead you nowhere, and when you have numerous supporters in your life (with your SO being at the forefront of them all), it just comes off feeling like you're actively denying the assistance you could be receiving.
Your partner, if they love you as much as they should, will ideally want the best for you while simultaneously chasing after your own dreams. There should never be a moment where things are genuinely hopeless, and even if there was, that's exactly what your friends and family are there for. When you start alienating yourself from them for the sake of pursuing a continually-toxic mindset, you start removing options for those who care for you. Sooner or later, you may push all of them away and you'll be left to yourself and your negative thoughts. Trust me when I say that once you've successfully pushed yourself into that corner, you're going to wish you didn't. But by then, there will be little else you can do, and your partner will have to move on to find someone who has a better idea of what they want from their future.
Anybody can become toxic, and it isn't exclusive to either side.
Not all toxic relationships are simply a one-way street, and uneasy romances are more likely than ever to split apart in a violent fashion when both parties involved are equally toxic. Now more than ever, we need to stay vigilant when pursuing relationships. Don't lose track of your own goals in life, and don't allow your partner to think they can jeopardize them for you either. At the same time, keep yourself involved in their dreams too. Let it grow, and treat it with care.
It is true that nobody is perfect, but despite that, everybody is capable of loving to their fullest. It just takes proper time and the right support system to show us all our worth, offering better opportunities for relationships we seek in the future.
