You Need To Embrace The Message Toxic Relationships Leave Behind
Health and Wellness

You Need To Embrace The Message Toxic Relationships Leave Behind

It's time to realize that you are good enough.

You Need To Embrace The Message Toxic Relationships Leave Behind
Jessica Cooper-Vastola

To start, we need to clarify a common misconception about toxic relationships. They can come in any form of relationship, even within friendships and families. These are the trickiest toxic relationships because you don’t always expect them. It can be as simple as a friend who makes you doubt your outfit choice, or it can be as extreme as a parent who tells you that you’re not good enough. Either way, it’s still terrible and you do NOT deserve it.

It’s always so difficult to realize that you’re in a toxic relationship because of how manipulative the person can be. They make you perceive yourself in a different way and build you up just to tear you down. It’s never 50/50. It’s usually more like 80/20, and I can assure you that it’s going to be you giving the 80%.

They make you work so hard for their approval and always make you feel like shit if you do something that doesn’t go along with what they want. And you let them. You let them make you feel the way you do and let them slip into your life because you’re kind, open, and unknowing of who they really are. And then you allow them to make you believe it's your fault when everything goes wrong in the relationship.

It’s so hard not to blame yourself when someone is so manipulative and cunning. And they get as close to you as possible just to stab you in the back over and over again. But eventually, after you have realized how controlling your “friend” (or whoever that person is in your life) has really become, you decide that you really need to make a change. This realization becomes your first step of strength. Realizing that you are good enough becomes the second step, and the third is then cutting this toxic relationship out of your life.

For me, the second step has always been the hardest. Telling myself that I am good enough has never come easy because of how these relationships have made me perceive myself. By my senior year of high school, I realized how much a certain relationship had really taken its toll on me. I decided that if I wasn't going to make the change at that time, I never would be able to. I would let the relationship completely consume me. Slowly, I let go of that person in my life, and by the time I got to college, we had basically stopped talking.

By cutting this person out of my life, I was able to learn to love myself and to feel more confident in who I am. I'm now able to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am good enough, and I don't let what has hurt me so much in the past change who I am today. If anything, I allow my experience to help me grow and become a stronger individual because of it.

I don't think I'd take back my experience with this person because of how much it taught me about myself. I don't ignore the fact that the torment and manipulation went on for so long, but I embrace the fact that I overcame it. I thank the relationship for making me realize what is and isn't appropriate in all future (and healthy) relationships I will have.

Now I ask you, the reader, to love yourself enough to understand that your toxic boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, or family member does not deserve you. You're worth it, you're strong, and you're so much better than what you think reflects back at you in the mirror. So, cut the person that makes you think otherwise out of your life, and embrace the message that they left behind. No one should ever make you doubt just how amazing you truly are.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Everything You Need To Know About Macronutrients, Because A Diet Should Be More Than Calories

Pay attention to what you're eating, not just how much you're eating.

Plenty of people are familiar with the "calories in, calories out" (CICO) method of dieting which can be used for losing, gaining, or maintaining weight. This method relies on calculating a person's total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) to ensure that they are not overeating or undereating to achieve their desired weight. TDEE considers a person's height, weight, age, gender, and level of activity to determine what their caloric intake should be — some calculators can factor in body fat percentage as well. When I used a TDEE calculator online, it said that my TDEE would be 1,990 calories if I was trying to maintain my weight, but are all calories created equal? I'd argue that they're not.

It might seem obvious to some of you that 1,990 calories of macaroni and cheese are not healthy at all compared to 1,990 calories of varied foods (fruit, veggies, meat, bread, etc.).

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Dear Closeted Latina,

You were never alone.

Remember how the Latin world got rocked when Ricky Martin came out?

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

I'll admit it, when I first met you, I wasn't sure how well things were going to work out. Although I didn't know you that well at the time, we seemed to be opposites in almost every way. You were cool, edgy, and laid-back, and I was more awkward, goofy, and anxious.

Keep Reading... Show less

It wasn't until I hit 23 years old that I started getting hangovers. It could've been from two glasses of wine or even a margarita at happy hour, the next day, consider me bed-bound until further notice.

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you're in an unhealthy relationship currently, you know someone who is, or you just want to have these numbers saved just in case it could one day save someone's life (if not your own), this article is for you. Here are three numbers to save in your contacts ASAP so you can always be safe, both physically and mentally, in every relationship.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

If I Unfriend You During The 2020 Election, Yes, It's Personal

President Donald Trump and Joe Biden's plans for Black America matter.

The Black Lives Matter movements have sparked widespread conversations and protests across the nation. With justice not being served for the murders of innocent Black people like Breonna Taylor and absolutely no support from President Donald Trump, this upcoming election is quite important.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Caribbean is a place where people go for vacation, but if you set out from a cruise ship you miss out on all the beautiful culture. Their exotic beaches are nothing without their zinging food and hospitality. Locals in the Caribbean are warmhearted with a zest to live life to the fullest.

This is exactly where most of their words and phrases come from, having a good time. I definitely enjoyed myself living in the Caribbean, but it's not always about lounging. They get work done too and I've learned proper phrases for accomplishments.

Keep Reading... Show less

What's Coming To And Leaving Netflix In August For Your Summer Viewing Pleasure

Just in time for another your end of summer binge-watch list.

Flower Films, Warner Bros, New Line Cinema

August is here, which means we will be losing some of our Netflix favorites but gaining some new ones. Here is a list of TV shows and movies we will be losing and gaining on Netflix during August.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because Air Travel Looks Different Now

If you have to travel, you can — you just have to take a few extra steps.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

As we are learning how to live our lives in the midst of a pandemic, one big question being travel. States that were initially labeled coronavirus (COVID-19) epicenters, like New York and New Jersey, are extra cautious in how freely residents can travel and then come home. Other states may not have the same travel restrictions as the epicenters, but one thing is for sure — no matter where you fly within the United States, that trip will look different than your usual summer vacation. Sure, it can still happen, you just need to take a few more steps to make sure your trip will go smoothly.

Keep Reading... Show less
Bobbie Hall

I've seen too many people faking various conditions to claim that they cannot wear face masks right now. Often, the claim is asthma and other breathing conditions. I figured it's time for people to hear from those who actually have these conditions. Not only are these people at a higher risk for serious complications after contracting COVID-19, but many of them also have been wearing face masks before this pandemic began. Take my mom, for example. As someone with damaged lungs, she has been using face masks for years. For those with compromised lungs, face masks protect from bad air-quality, dust, and other hazardous things that can be breathed in.

I figured hearing the facts from the source is the best way to hinder the spread of false information. I interviewed my mom about what life is really like for those with compromised lungs during this pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments