Being In A Toxic Relationship Has Impacted Any Type Of Relationship I Now Have

Being In A Toxic Relationship Has Impacted Any Type Of Relationship I Now Have

Trust me, I'm working hard on it.

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Let me just start this off by saying that, I'm keeping this short and to the point. Also that, it's not that I'm not over it but it's something that will haunt me. With that being said, I was in the worst relationship for like a year and half and while we broke up almost three years ago, the negative thoughts still haunt me every now again.

So three years later seems like a long time to forget everything and move on, but the truth is while you do move on, you don't forget. You don't forget how they made you feel and how they made you look at the world. So naturally once the smallest, silliest thing happens with anybody I have any type of relationship with platonic or romantic, BOOM, you start to assume the worst and eventually ruin connections to people.

Like for instance, my ex used to just ignore me because he knew that it bothered me and got to me. Now, after that relationship, whether it's a friend or classmate or whomever, I automatically assume that because it's been a little while since I've heard from them, that means that they're ignoring me. Even though, I know that they're probably just busy with work or school or whatever it may be. I mean, we're all adults, we have responsibilities. My mind shouldn't go to, they're ignoring me.

I was blamed for every single "bad" thing that happened, there were no if, and or buts about it. Now, whenever something happens even if I know there's to way that it could be my fault, my mind automatically goes to what did I do? Like if my ex was having a bad day, it was my fault, even if I hadn't seen him all day... It actually takes me a minute to calm down and tell myself that I didn't do anything before I'm back to myself.

I don't open up to my friends and family like I used to, because the second I opened up to my ex, he used every thing I said to throw in my face.

So now whenever I''m talking to somebody I'm super quiet all the time and no one really knows anything about me and it keeps me pretty distant from every one in my life.

Staying quiet also means no communication, and that's a major part of any type of relationship. I stay quiet because I'm not really sure if I can fully trust the other person, even if they have given me absolutely no reason for me not to trust them.

I don't trust people for multiple reasons but a major one is because I'm afraid of being used again. I was used for way more things than I would like to admit and I ended up looking dumber than Karen Smith from Mean Girls.

On top of all of that, I feel like I'm always apologizing for things that don't need an apology. I guess I'm so used to automatically saying it that I don't even realize the word slips out of my mouth until after I say it or until I get asked why I'm sorry.

The word sorry shouldn't be a reflex.

But trust me, I'm working on it. I'm working on not assuming the worst when the smallest thing happens. I working on trusting the other person in any type of situation. I working on my communication. It's not all day, everyday that I think or act like that but it happens more often than I would like, which is crazy.

And I know I'm not the only one who acts like this and trust me, we're all trying our hardest.

Just a small piece of advice, you never know what people have been through, even if they talk a little about it, you'll never know completely what they've heard or seen. So please just be patient and understanding and give them some time. It doesn't hurt to ask how they're feeling, what's on their mind or what you can do for them, when you know that they aren't acting like themselves.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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4 Signs You Are NOT Ready To Be In A Relationship

Being single isn't the end of the world, and if you think it is maybe you should re-check your priorities.

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Most people dream of finding the one. Spending months to years getting to know them, to settle down, have a life that they are comfortable with, with the person they share a deep connection. But if you are in your late teens or early twenties still in college wishing for this to happen to you, maybe you should look around and really take into consideration if you are ready for a relationship.

1.  All you can think about is having a significant other 

Now it's not bad if every now and then you take some time to really debate what you want in a partner and what your standards are. There is nothing wrong with looking around and seeing what you want and don't want in a partner, but if it constantly taking up space in your mind, you might need to take a step back and focus on other things.

 2. Your phone is full of dating apps 

Some people use these web tools to search and find people just looking for fun. But if you have multiple apps and you still are single it might be time to delete them and pour all the energy and attention to yourself and your hobbies. Dating apps aren't a bad thing if you make clear what you are looking for, but if it comes down to the fact that you are paying for extra swipes, maybe save that money and go spend it on a coffee.

3. You think about your ex...a lot 

Getting closure is a vital part of life. An ex is someone who will always have an impact on your life even if is in the way of choosing a type of food over another, or new music on your travel playlist. But if you are still pondering the breakup, or writing poetry, or crying casually over them a few times a month, you are far from closure.

4. You don’t love yourself 100%

If you are looking for someone to complete you, you might want to look in the mirror because that is the only person who can make you happy. The only person who can make you the person you dream of being one day is the one that you try to tune out, the one who you blame for being single, the one who you are desperately trying to find love for. If you don't love yourself then you won't find love anywhere else.

Loving yourself is something that should come naturally and loving someone else should too. But until you have a complete vision of what your values are no one can walk into your life and find them for you.

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