Toxic People: How To Spot Them And How To Lose Them
Start writing a post

Toxic People: How To Spot Them And How To Lose Them

Take the love goggles off.

Toxic People: How To Spot Them And How To Lose Them
google images/pintrest

Toxicity in objects are easily spotted. With a red and bold "DANGER" displayed across it we are blatantly warned that the particular item is just no good for us. However, when it comes to toxic people it's not until we are deeply invested that the skull and cross bones emerges from under their surface.

When the war is over, and the hurt has subsided from the enviable downfall of that toxic relationship,and I promise you 10 times out of 10 it will, we find ourselves retracing the phantom footsteps of it and even then we still think "there weren't any signs".

Well...there was. You see, love does this funny thing were you see and hear only what you want and disregards the rest of it. Our first reaction is "oh no, that's not true" then we go to "oh no, they wouldn't do that to me." Each of the reactions starts with an objection and an explanation that brushes it off quick after because we're too scared to hear something that'll hurt us.

We trick ourselves into believe it's not possible, I mean how could it be possible when it's so good, when you love each other so much. That's understandable, especially because it's something that manifests gradually.

It's confusing at first. They save you. They always save you. They promise they will be there for you every day you need them and you, grasping for clean air and a hand to hold, believe them. Until one day, when you see the same hand that saved you pushes you back under with harsh words and a mean remark just to pull you back up with an "I'm just telling you the truth, you know I love you."

This- is how it's starts.

It's when we believe that we need them. It's when we believe the vicious words and the 'I love you' all within the same breath out of the same mouth that we've fallen victim to a toxic love and we don't know it.

It's when they pull you in to kiss you but pull you away when you go to hug them that digs into us deeper. For some reason rejection from the one we thought loved us makes us fall deeper into the trap. We want their approval. Actually, scratch that we need it. It's as if we don't exist without that approval, as if we are a measly piece of dirt. How did we become that?

Because we fell for a toxic person. We fell for someone who trades love for control and uses their hold over us to feel powerful to compensate what they feel for themselves.That I found to be a commonality in all toxic people.

You see it's as simple as a cat and mouse game. Feeding off of each other while one's hoping to reck the other by the end and one hoping to have the beginning again and both leaving with nasty bruises and a beaten heart.

Some toxic people will fall in love with you for all the reasons they hate themselves. Falling in love with what you are because that's who they are but choosing to destroy you because they hate it within themselves. I saw this in someone I wanted to be with. I saw it in the two people actually that I can thank for this article today. Both 'loved me' for the reasons they hated themselves. Wanted on a Friday and Saturday night because I brought out the real them and they loved and hated it. That's why they toyed with my feelings. Promising one minute they wanted me and next telling me they wanted nothing to do with me. Comparing (and inevitably choosing) the girl that represented what they wanted to be and I, who represented who they were believed their was something wrong with me. Thinking that I had something defective in myself when I had really gotten caught into their own self inflicting game of self hatred.

Some toxic people will use you as a scapegoat. They will make you think you're the cause of their problems. That their depression wouldn't be as bad if you were happier, their anxiety would go away if you didn't wear your hair down and "look so pretty all the time", that their life would be easier if you "kept your problems to yourself" because they have too much going on right now to worry about you.

Some toxic people aim to deconstruct your life and everything in it so they aren't alone. They emotionally destruct you to the point of being emotionally reliant on them so you can't leave. So you feel like you have no choice but to stay and dive deeper into this toxic waste kind of love.

We come across toxicity as quick sand. Once noticed we're usually too far into to run for the hills so we watch ourselves sink deeper and sometimes we're luck enough to come out before it engulfs us.

This is what this article is truly about. The moment we are freed.

Now don't get me wrong I sat and I cried, like I'm sure all who have had their path crossed with one of the toxic. I believed all the things they told me. I believed all the venom they spewed at me and hated them for it just to feel anguish over the memories of the softer kinder words they fed me right after. I was confused as to what to believe and upset that I still wanted this no good person in my life all while secretly hoping they'd come back again. I questioned myself more than I did them for a very long time after the relationship had fizzled out until one day I realized it wasn't my fault.

Anyone who has fooled you with the toxic warning hidden under their coat is not your fault. The things they said to you, the things they made you believe, or not believe, are not your doing.

Toxic people will always have a small etch in us. A small carving in our hearts because somehow, and I haven't figured this out yet, they manage to steal a piece of us we can never get back. However, it's what we do with the rest of what we are left over that determines who we are. I have found that those toxic people have built me into a strongest girl I know. It has made me learn to disassociate my feelings of myself from those around me. How I think of myself should never inflict onto another person, good or bad. It's made me cherish those who aren't lethal to my well being.

Just keep in mind those who are broken are not the ones standing in the toxic muck but the ones who are pouring it out of their mouths.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments