Yours truly saw a t-shirt once with the slogan ‘Feminism is the radical notion that women are people’. I agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly. However, feminism is also about the radical notion that everyone is a person, and hierarchical structures of inequality shouldn’t exist in the favor of either sex. This requires us to speak up on the behalf of men who suffer the effects of the patriarchy. One of the areas in which it’s most prominent that men get the short end of the stick is the area of mental health.

Personally, many of my friends have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, autism, bipolar disorder, and many more. Interestingly enough, a large number of those friends are AFAB (assigned female at birth). I know two of my close friends who are AMAB who have anything from that list; one of them is self-diagnosed due to knowing that a professional diagnosis would require him to be belittled in several capacities, and the other is a trans woman who only started getting attention for her mental help once she started identifying as such. Before that, no one cared. Countless others of my male or AMAB friends show signs and symptoms of mental illness, but are unaware of it or downplay it when it’s brought up. It begs the question of where this attitude comes from.

I’m sure if I asked an AFAB audience how many times they’ve been described as ‘too emotional’ by a man, countless hands would go up. Conversely, one of the reasons men underreport mental illness is due to a fear of being seen as weak. How are these things related? According to Dallas and JAMA Psychiatry, the symptoms of depression for men and women can vary greatly. Women experience greater feelings of helplessness and loneliness, whereas the symptoms in men usually have to do with sudden bouts of anger or irritability. Social conditioning has led us as a whole to believe that women are more emotional and in touch with their feelings, while men keep it inside- if you’re having trouble thinking of an example, consider crying. Women are allowed to cry during periods of duress, whereas men are shamed and seen as fragile for it, even during times where it would make sense, such as the loss of a family member. Regardless of which symptoms men show or do not show when suffering from depression, any emotion that they are not sure comes from a place they’re familiar with has been taught to them as being wrong. If they express it or seek help for it, they are admitting to being weak. Weak like a woman, if you will.

The statistics on depression are by far the most accessible when one searches for mental illnesses that disproportionally affect men. (This may very well be due to the fact that, whenever your average person hears ‘mental illness’, they automatically think ‘depression’, as it is the most commonly discussed.) In the beginning of this article, I listed out several mental illnesses that those around me suffer from. This is really just a small handful of those that exist, but the information on many are underreported in men due to aforementioned reasons. Each one of these illnesses would mean admitting that one’s emotional state differs from the expected criteria of a man. Interestingly enough, the one category in which there is a skewed diagnosis in men’s favor is the diagnosis of autism. Even the language surrounding this disparity is gendered, though. A hypothesis for the gender split is that ‘young girls are better at hiding their emotions and conforming to social cues’, which is an idea enforced by society for girls to fit in. While this might not be a direct reflection on the patriarchy, it definitely says something that boys are diagnosed if their ability to hide their emotions is seen as subpar.

Men are about four times more likely to die from suicide than women are. Often, rather than getting help, they attempt to self-medicate using drugs or alcohol. Drug and alcohol abuse actually ups the likelihood one’s mental illnesses will become worse, and this method of treatment starts the vicious cycle all over again. If you feel inferior, drink or smoke to forget. It doesn’t help that men are surrounded by peers who may seem to be doing better than they themselves are. This ties back to the fostered inability to express emotion to others, for fear of being seen as ‘feminine’ or ‘gay’. In reality, they may have a large potential support system around them, but they will never know that without opening up to them. And we cannot blame them, in this case.

They did not invent the patriarchy that dictates how the sexes should and shouldn’t act, but they perpetuate it; often without even knowing they do. If one has been taught to favor a system that is hurting them, we cannot call it their fault when said system hurts them.