You would be surprised how redundant these questions become after, say, your second college tour. You quickly realize that every family will inevitably pick your brain about everything from the food, the social life and the safety of your school. Coming prepared with simple, straightforward answers to these questions is easy. The hard part is stifling the sarcastic comments that are threatening to spew out in place of these nice, dainty, "admissions-approved" answers. So here are the candid answers that every college tour guide wishes they could say to the families that come on their tours.
“Why did you choose to come to this college?”
Hmm, well it really came down to how much student debt I wanted to be in after college. Clearly, I have high aspiring dreams to be drowning in debt.
“How many other colleges did you apply to?”
Let’s just say that the entire first half of my senior year was dedicated to writing college essays. The application process is super fun!
“I’m worried about the price of tuition. Is the college generous in financial aid?”
Ha, you and me both. Financial aid will help you out but refer back to my previous answer. Student debt. Lots of student debt.
“What do you do on the weekends?”
I engage in “social activities.” I am going to politely decline to expand upon what those activities are.
“How is the food?”
Please don’t ask about the food. I really hate lying to your faces about how much I love eating the experimentation that goes on behind the cafeteria doors.
“Is there a lot to do on campus?”
Yes, tons of opportunities! My personal favorite: avoiding all of those and watching Netflix and eating takeout, instead.
“Are the dorms nice?”
They’re perfectly functional, I mean, I’m not saying I love the twin XL beds and the communal bathrooms, but it’s not terrible.
“What’s your relationship like with your professors?”
Oh, the relationship you build with your professors is spectacular! The small class size really allows you to get to know your professors. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t go out of my way to avoid them when I see them on campus.
“Was the transition from high school to college easy?”
Yes! I mean minus that fact that you will get slammed with work by the week and have a few anxious breakdowns throughout the semester questioning where your life is going. It’s pretty smooth sailing!
"How is campus security? Do you feel safe?"
A question true to my mom's own heart. Yes, I feel safe walking around campus. No, you do not need to call your child every night to check and make sure they are safe and sound.
“If you could change one thing about your school, what would it be?”
That’s really a toss up between the lack of Starbucks on campus and the fact that my dog isn’t allowed in my dorm.
“Does Greek Life consume the student population?”
On a scale of 1 to 10, as far as sorority life in the South, we’re at about a negative six. Definitely do it if you’re into it, but don’t worry -- even the people involved have lives beyond their chapters.
"Can you tell me a little about the history of the college?"
Do you really want to know this? Or are you just asking to seem engaged in my tour? Because we really don't need to do this whole history thing. It was founded a long, long time ago. And here we are today!
“What is the point of the gym credit?”
Your guess is as good as mine.
“Do you get paid to be a tour guide?”
LOL. No. But if you could kindly take that up with the Admissions Office...
