Ok so basically I really love the show I Think You Should Leave on Netflix, I followed an account that posted like stills from the show with captions out of context, and I tweeted at this account literally a line for line exact quote from the show, and because it had the word “k!ll" in it I got automatically suspended and I appealed it like 70 times and I just get the automated response it's been like 2 months of my “2-7 day" ban
here are the top ten tweets I would have tweeted if I didn't get suspended from Twitter
1. I just got a preemptive gerd flare up by looking at my coffee
This happened to me like an hour ago. I don't have any tums at work
seriously I guess tweeting a QUOTE from a SHOW at an account that's DEDICATED TO DOING THAT is just as bad as inciting the insurrection at the capitol somehow
2. WHat if You had a screenshot of an online shopping page as your desktop background then when your boss comes and you minimize your screen they think you’re shopping
Like implying that you had your work pulled up and you minimized it. idk I thought maybe it would be funny. I gotta workshop this one honestly it's not my best work, this would honestly sit in my draft folder for like a year
ok I don't understand what the point of submitting an Twitter appeal is if you just get the automated response every time. Like I submit it and get an email seconds later that's like thank you! We'll add this to your case! If you have any more information please respond to this email! And then I do and it's just the automated response again it's like purgatory
3. Recently one night I awoke in a cold sweat and hurriedly wrote the following in my notes app:“See now that’s why they beat Jim Henson’s ass”
This has me cracking up so much omfg like who is they. Also for transparency's sake this happened in like December it wasn't that recent
i bet if I was a trillionare human trafficker destroying the planet they wouldn't have suspended me. @elonmusk. Disclaimer I don't know if Elon musk is a human trafficker but like remember that picture with ghislaine maxwell everyone was replying to his tweets with
4. Father John misty just stole my Lyft wtf dude I’ve been waiting for like 45 minutes @fatherjohnmisty
This one hurts this one really stings I had like a years-long thread of tweets accusing father John misty of doing things like this, I don't even know if he's on Twitter, I can't even name like one song of his to be totally honest with you. I just know he's my sworn enemy
I've never actually said Ghislaine maxwell out loud, circling back to the last bullet point. I don't know how to pronounce it. When I typed it just now in the other bullet point like dial up fax nosies just played in my head
5. I’m going to f^*#%ing k!*% you @potus
not to be like a total boomer or whatever but this is SO much less funny censored
Ok see like if I had tweeted this and got suspended I would have like halfway understood but there is no way in hell they're suspending EVERYONE that tweets the word “k!ll" I literally searched my exact tweet and like 50 other people also tweeted it because it's, again, A QUOTE FROM A SHOW!!! I've had original thoughts that I've tweeted that were like 10x more abhorrent
6. I hope that everyone is having a very nice day.
The idea was to tweet this like back to back with the previous one for Juxtaposition. I have an art degree
I started thinking like maybe it was a good thing that Twitter suspended me seemingly permanently for no reason because like maybe I could focus my talents elsewhere but then I downloaded one of those choose your own adventure divorce affair sex games and named my character Dirtie Diapie and now I'm doing this. so
7. A single bullet to the head would probably kill a medieval peasant
This sucks because if I ever get Twitter back this joke is gunna be like so outdated, just for reference it was like this era of joke format where I got banned. This would have banged I bet
no it's really so crazy I got banned for the most benign thing I've ever publicly said …does anyone have any pull with like Netflix or Tim Robinson or something. Can someone advocate for me I'm serious
8. I love when there’s a sign on the highway that’s like “this highway is dedicated to George Washington” but if you presented the mere idea of a highway to George Washington he’d combust
Honestly I had this thought when I was driving and saw the highway was actually dedicated to Fredrick Douglass but I didn't want to put him as the person who would combust it felt disrespectful. George Washington can choke tho
I WASNT EVEN THREATENING ANYONE like my tweet in zero way at all was directing someone to k!ll or be k!lled like Chrissy teigan can tell Courtney stodden to k!ll herself and she fires off like 50 tweets a day. This is class disparity in America
9. Literally every weapon formed against me has prospered
I truly thought of this one before I got suspended and it's way more true now
Like ok I'm sorry, Twitter doesn't suspend like neo nazis pushing their agendas or racists or whatever. What's the republican platform they all fled to after trump got permabanned I'm really about to just start posting on that
10. Omg y’all I’m stuck face first in my washing machine I’m going to be so fckin embarrassed when my step brother comes home and finds me like this 😑🤦🏻♀️
Well this wraps up my top ten tweets I would have tweeted if I wasn't suspended. This would have gotten either no traction or minimal traction from the like core 3-5 people that like my stuff, shout out to you guys, I have all your @s saved in a note in my phone. Isn't that sad. Isn't that like really pathetic.
Ok just to recap, I tweeted a quote from Netflix's critically acclaimed (I like it) series, I Think You Should Leave by Tim Robinson, at an account who's whole deal is posting quotes and screen caps from this show, and Twitter suspended me for it because it had the word “k!ll" in it. I've tweeted that word like so many times before this and also I searched that quote and 500 other people also tweeted it and didn't get suspended. If you're thinking like noël just submit an appeal and wait, ok I did that, if you're thinking noël just make another account with a different number or email, ok do you think if that worked I would be here writing on the odyssey online. Like ask yourself that.
