Already over Winter Break, and it hasn't even been 48 hours? Tired of your family? Wishing you were anywhere but next to your quibbling relatives? Here are 8 of the most iconic Disney Channel holiday episodes to watch instead of answering your uncle's annoying questions like, "Have you met anyone special?" or "Have you decided what you're going to do with that major?" Family is rough, so pretend you're part of these utopian-families instead!
P.S. Do not hold me responsible if the links don't work. Life is finnicky. Also, sorry if the links feature sketchy pop-up ads for porn sites or Icelandic call girls. Consider it an early Channukah gift.
1. Lizzie Mcguire: "Aaron Carter's Coming To Town"
This episode gave me unrealistic expectations about holiday parades. In an episode that could truly only have come out of the early 2000s (*cough* the terrible holiday-themed outfits), if hearing Aaron Carter, teen-crush to all, utter the words "Merry Christmas, Lizzie McGuire" doesn't give you shivers, then you probably deserve a lump of coal in your stocking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GJdE8aa-3g (first 20 minutes for full episode)
2. Even Stevens: "Heck of a Channukah"
Shoutout to the one Jewish family on television, and an era in Shia LaBeouf's life pre-naked avant garde films. Shia was my Grandma's wet dream in this episode, a real mensch with a lot of ruach. How the mighty fall...Is Louis Stevens spinning a dreidel all us Jews were really given at this time of the year?
http://www.watchseries.li/episode/even_stevens_s1_e15.html (for full episode)
3. That's So Raven: "Escape Claus"
Raven was so influential in my life, I still practice her constipated-seeing-the-future look when I'm feelin' spiritual. "Escape Claus" is Disney at it's best, and ends with a plug for Raven's now-irrelevent music career. Raven sings "Silent Night" while accompanying herself on the piano, learns the moral of the story (don't open your presents early?), and if you don't get misty while watching her sing then you might be a Grinch. Also, I love episodes of TV where the cast wishes you a Happy Holiday at the end. It makes me feel like one of them.
4. Lizzie McGuire: "Xtreme Xmas"
Ugh, the McGuire strike again. Steven Tyler dresses up as Santa. That's really all you need to know.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFfaE4ltJq0 (for full episode)
5. Sister, Sister: "Christmas"
Grandpa returns to town with a loan shark chasing after him, and the family sells their Christmas gifts in order to make money to help Grandpa. Aw. Nothing says "Festive" like questionable choices that lead to family helping out!
6. The Proud Family: "Seven Days of Kwanza"
This was Disney's answer to holiday diversification. Kwanza is a thing too!
I can't find a full episode anywhere online, so now you know my Christmas wish. Just kidding, I wished for love, money, and stability.
7. Phil of the Future: "Christmas Break"
I bet Christmas in the future is filled with just as much disappointment, awkward smiles, and cheesy TV episodes as Christmas in the present. Also, Phil of the Future was 100% underrated and here is a Christmas gift from me to you to prove it.
8. Kim Possible: "A Very Possible Christmas"
Honestly, Ron Stoppable was my first crush even though he was animated. This Christmas episode, with all the crime-fighting and holiday joy to fill your stockings, makes anything seem possible...get it?
http://video.disney.com/watch/a-very-possible-christmas-4c7c6b63a19c4806f0601806 (for full episode)
9. BONUS! "The Ultimate Christmas Present"
Yeah, this isn't an episode of TV, but it is quite possibly the best Christmas movie to ever exist. A girl steals a weather machine! From Santa Clause! Cause she lives in Southern California and just wants a snow day! Ugh, Disney was sooorelatable. Mrs. Claus is a BAMF, Santa Claus is an idiot, there's a stereotypical black comedic sidekick, a sassy asian best friend (Brenda Song, duh!), and the parents are clueless as usual. It's the perfect ~storm~ (get it? cause she causes a snow storm) of Disney. I don't really know what the moral of the story is -- don't cause snow storms?
Thanks to Global Warming and El Nino, though, it's beginning to look a lot like the plot of this movie could actually take place...
OH, you mean Disney no longer shows ANY of these episodes? They cancelled all of these shows? You have to scour the www just to find clips of these gems? Yeah, Disney sucks now. But thanks to the internet, we can all relive a happier time, our childhoods, when relatives didn't ask annoying questions about our futures, personal lives, and career decisions; our hearts hadn't been broken; and the most difficult decision was figuring out how to get home in time to catch Lizzie McGuire's holiday special. Disney Channel was really at its prime during the holiday season. Holiday episodes almost make going home bearable.