I hate harping on a very bad film. That is because I always wish for a movie to be good if not great. Why would anyone wish for something to be bad? But, sometimes, it's good to look back on the bad ones in order to figure what was truly special about the good ones. These are the Top Seven Worst Films of 2015. Why seven? Well, if these films can't give 100%, why should I?
7. "The Green Inferno"
I would have hated this film less if I hadn't listened to an interview with writer/director Eli Roth, on the Bret Easton Ellis podcast. He has such an entitled, smug opinion of himself and this movie. Essentially, “The Green Inferno” is an homage to schlock films of the '70s and '80s such as “Cannibal Holocaust,” in which a bunch of people find themselves in a cannibal society sheltered from the modern world.
The film features some messages about “social justice warriors” being the true sinners of society but who cares when there can be violence and skin being torn apart. “The Green Inferno” is just an ugly film paying homage to ugly films of the past.
6. "Road Hard"
Speaking of egomaniacs, let me introduce you to comedian Adam Carolla. Here, he plays a version of himself traveling on the road as a stand-up comedian after years of success on television. There is nothing wrong with having an unlikable character unless the intention is to make your character a likable person. Carolla, like his real-life self, portrays his character as if he is always in the right and funnier than everyone else. The problem is that he comes off as being smug and obnoxious.
There is a fine line that has been established by funnier comedic actors such as Larry David and Ricky Gervais. Their personas are such that even when they're right, their approach to the situation is wrongheaded. Thus, them being disliked serves as the joke of their comedic situation. Carolla is just plain wrong. This film, funded through Fundanything (it wasn’t even good enough for Kickstarter), is just a masturbatory exercise by one comedian trying to become a filmmaker.
5. "Hot Pursuit"
The pairing of Sofia Vergara and Reese Witherspoon as a buddy cop comedy is a baffling one. This is the sort of movie someone is going to find in the discount movie bin 15 years in the future and think to themselves, “How did this ever exist?”
This film also feels like it's stuck in another time as if the script has been rejected since 1988 but it took close to 15 years before someone decided to make it. That said, these two try their hardest, which is the best I can say about this film that no one cares about.
4. "Burnt"
The amount of self-importance that radiates from John Wells’ “Burnt” is gag-inducing. Here, a chef played by Bradley Cooper is portrayed to be the biggest badass in the world, vying for three Michelin Stars. Who is this story supposed to appeal to?
The stakes are so low that they might as well be buried six feet under because “Burnt” is dead on arrival when the film introduces the main character as someone who has shucked a million oysters as penance for his past sins. This movie is not “Kung Fu," it is a movie about a chef. The biggest sin, however, is that there is a movie to be made somewhere in here. The job of a chef is cool and many chefs have demons to battle.
But “Burnt” just turns out to be like one of those kids who walked with the swagger of a cool kid just to trip over his shoelaces strutting down the hallway. Bradley Cooper deserves better than this dreck.
3. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2"
I wanted to know who was asking for this movie to be made but then I saw that it made over $100 million. I then sighed and took a drink of a non-disclosed alcoholic substance. I think I’m going to go watch “The World of Tomorrow” again.
2. "The Gunman"
As you have noticed from my previous entries, I have a low tolerance for bad movies that take themselves too seriously or have too much self-love. Well, Sean Penn seems like the perfect candidate for that criterion. Here, Penn, who has writing credit, seems to have decided that he wanted a little bit of that Liam Neeson old-person-does-action money.
The result is a mess of a film called “The Gunman," the plot of which is so convoluted that I am too lazy to even find the Wikipedia entry to recall it. The film, and likely Penn himself has a strange fascination with Penn’s biceps as if he's saying, “Look how hard I trained for this movie. Why doesn’t anybody love me?” Well, keep doing movies like this and Sean Penn will lose any goodwill he still has.
1. "Love, Rosie"
Like "Burnt," this movie was buried on release, and for good reason. This British film does every cliché of a romantic comedy that it almost feels like a parody in and of itself. The film spans several decades, following the will-they-or-won’t-they relationship of two characters who make such stupid decisions and succeed only because of convenience; I was going crazy throughout the movie.
Through its one hour 42 minutes (why is this movie so long?) running time, I was constantly on the edge of my seat contemplating whether I wanted to walk out. Thankfully, this movie has virtually disappeared and no one seems to have heard of it. This was the first movie I saw in the year of 2015 and unfortunately, “Love, Rosie” is the worst film of 2015.
So with that, I say goodbye to the year 2015 and wish for better movies in 2016.
If you want to read about good films follow these links below.
(Note to editors: Can you post the links of the best of 2015 here please)
