The life of an intern is not easy. I know. I was one (many times over). However, now that I am your boss, I have some words for you. If you are guilty of any of the following, you need to step up your game. The only person you are hurting is yourself, because, no matter how desperately you wish it wasn't so, you need the goodwill of your boss.
Therefore without further ado, I present to you the top ten ways you bungle, botch and otherwise totally mismanage your internship.
1. You appear to be oblivious to the fact that strong perfume or cologne in a small space is a bad, bad idea. The workplace is not a club, bar, house party or any other venue where you hope to reel in a potential mate with your oh-so-sumptuous scent. No one wants to smell you at work; not your B.O. and not even your perfume/cologne. The best way to smell when you to work is like nothing. People really do get headaches from strong smells, and if you're giving your colleague or a boss a headache, you better bet you're seriously pissing them off. The message? I'm inconsiderate.
2. You chew with your mouth open. And it's disgusting. Wow. I could write a missive on this one. If you are incapable of chewing with your mouth closed, then you should not eat anywhere close to your work space. People can hear you chewing, and it is revolting and distracting. This goes for loud, crunchy foods as well. Don't get in the habit of eating carrots and apples in your office. The message? I'm uncouth, uncivilized and unaware that more people live on this planet than just me.
3. You fail to fully internalize that if you don't do a job properly, I have to re-do it. I'll give you this one. I probably didn't totally comprehend this either when I was an intern. So let me set the record straight for you now; when you deliver a piss-poor assignment, I have to redo it. I am not happy about this. I spent the time training you on how to do it, and now I have to actually do it. So I just lost more time than if I had done it myself in the first place. This may mean that I have to stay late, or do it from home. Quality of work is not a joke, it's very serious. Everything I assign you should be treated as important. The message you're sending? Meh, I'm too important to do your piddly work, you do it.
4. At the first hint of criticism, your attitude explodes with a force that nearly knocks me out of the office. Some items on this list are funny, this one is not. You have got to figure out how to take criticism like a mature adult. The crazy thing about this one? I actually deliver my criticism so gently that I could be rocking your cradle. I am a nice boss. How are you going to handle it when you have a not-so-nice boss? Criticism is the way of life in the workplace. You've got to figure out how to handle this. I cannot figure this out for you. The message I receive? When my boss helps me to be better with constructive criticism, I am going to make everyone's life (including hers) miserable because I am PERFECT already, and how dare you insinuate otherwise.
5. You tell me you're so sick you can't come to work, then you post something clever on Facebook. For Pete's sake. If you are so sick that you can't come to work, you better not be healthy enough to post crap on social media (unless it's a desperate plea for someone to take you to the doctor because your phone battery died and you lost everyone's number). Do you think I didn't see that post? Because I did. You're the one who added me on Facebook! The message? I think my boss is dumb, and I also don't realize that taking time off for an illness should mean that I'm really ill.
6. You are fundamentally confused about what gains you respect in the workplace. You gain respect by doing great work. You gain respect by delivering a product that exceeds expectations. You gain respect by being reliable and not causing problems and rising to the occasion. You do not gain respect by talking yourself up, gossiping, unloading your problems on others, inventing creative excuses, having a great personality (internalizing this one can really hurt, I know), or being super friendly. The message you're sending? I don't know what work means. Do you mean, work means delivering work?
7. You interrupt me to 'chat' while I'm working. I operate under very real deadlines, and there are very, very real consequences when I don't meet these deadlines. As my intern, I won't burden you with all the details of what I have to get done and I'm not going to update you on all my projects. While you're working on the tasks I assign, I am also working. Don't gratuitously interrupt me. It distracts me from getting my work done. The message? I don't respect what you do, because my desire for an entertaining little break from work is more important that what you're doing.
8. You actually complain to me that you're tired because you stayed up late. This one really boggles my mind. First of all, don't ever complain to me (I am not your mom or dad). Second, now I know that your work is going to be subpar because you're tired (see number 3). Lastly, you are very clearly telling me that you don't take this role seriously. If you took it seriously, you would manage your time and make sure you are well rested. If you're tired, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. The message? This job is a joke.
9. You leave a mess behind on your desk when you leave. Who do you think cleans up after you when you leave? Little elves? Magical fairies? NO. I DO. And I really, really do not enjoy cleaning up after you. It's a huge waste of my time and incredibly inconvenient. Most organizations don't have daily cleaning staff to come around and take care of the mess you left. Make sure you haven't left any food or beverage stains on your work space. Tidy your documents. Put away your stuff. Leave your work space better than when you arrived. The message you send? I am still a thoughtless child.
10. You fail to appreciate the humongous, cavernous, gaping difference between 'friend' and 'colleague.' I don't blame this one on you because no one taught you any better. So I am going to teach you now. Your friends are those with whom you share your personal hopes and dreams, to whom you vent, make crazy jokes, complain and basically do all kinds of crazy things. Your colleagues are those with whom you share respect, professional courtesy and hopefully admiration (although not always). Do not confuse these two. It will hurt you, very badly, in the end; and it will make everything very messy. The message? I am setting myself up for a world of hurt because I don't know the difference between personal and professional life.
With all this said, the purpose of an internship is to learn. So don't beat yourself up if you've participated in one, some, or all of these internship bungles. There is plenty of time to make up for it. Changing your mind, or changing your ways, is not a weakness. It is a strength! We all make mistakes (I assure you, I do as well), so don't look back; look forward. And with that, I wish you a happy, productive internship!
Jessica Eise is an author and blogger. She is the director of communications for the Department of Agricultural Economics at Purdue University. All opinions are her own.
