I got my first dog when I was five. His name was Jakey and he got me through some of my biggest milestones. He was there through my parents’ separation the same year, he was there when I started to realize my mental health was not something that could be considered “normal”, he was there when my grandmother passed away. He couldn’t talk but he was by far my biggest comfort. But, just a few months after turning ten, we had to put him to sleep.

He had struggled for a few years. When he was eight, he slipped a disk in his back and his back end was paralyzed for a few months. But then, as if by some miracle, he suddenly began to get feeling back. And he recovered. But then other parts of his health began to decline. He was diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease. From there, he continued to decline until it got to the point of no return. The morning we were going to put him down, it was like he knew. He refused to eat and, more importantly, he refused to leave our sides. He was in so much pain and you could tell by the way his body seemed to tremble with every movement. But the way he looked up at us, the way he sat by us, you could tell he was saying, “Thank you for making me a part of your life and being my entire life.”

We adopted a new dog, a Shih Tzu named Abigail Magee (or Abby for short), a few months later.

I didn’t think any dog could live up to the wonderful comfort that Jakey was but Abby is the most wonderful and beautiful thing to have ever entered my life. She’s been there for me on my toughest physical days, my toughest mental days, my first day of college, and she’s helping me start to fall into the routine of adulthood.

But today marks a day I have been terrified of seeing. Today, she is ten, the age Jakey barely lived past. Her health has been spectacular throughout the years, only a few bumps along the way, but I can't help but feel a tightness of anxiety in my chest when I think about what today signifies.

Every day, she surprises us. Every day, she does something new that makes us laugh. She's the light in our house, she's the one that makes getting out of bed every morning worth it. I take care of her and she takes care of me. If I'm having an Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome related flare up, if I'm having a panic attack or another anxiety related issue, if I'm paralyzed by pain from a migraine, she just knows. She gives me this look, intelligence and sympathy in her eyes, and immediately comes to cuddle up to me, clearly wanting to do everything in her power to make everything okay again. And I love her for it.

I want to make sure her life is good. I want to make sure she's happy and content every single day. I want to be able to supply her with more food and toys then she could ever need. I don't know how much longer I have with her. Based on Shih Tzu statistics, I could have no time left or I could have at least six more years. I pray for the latter.

Every day with this girl is a blessing. She's given me a life I never thought I could have. She's the greatest gift. She's an animal I would risk my life for. There are many uncertainties regarding what the rest of her life will bring but I know for certain there will be plenty of laughs, plenty of kisses, plenty of cuddles, and plenty of surprises.