Note To Self:

Thinking back on things, you always want to put a reason on it, a reason as to why you can't make it work. You're obsessive. You care obsessively, you drink obsessively and you love obsessively. You obsess over how and when people speak to you and you obsess over their reactions to what you say. You continue to obsess over your past relationships because you were so obsessed with not letting them go. You obsess over the fact they hate you but feel the need to obsess over you.

You think back to the confusion of feelings and when to cut the feelings off...if you ever truly had the feelings. You're confused. Part of you thinks you made up the feelings in your head, much like you made up the depth of your relationships. Maybe that's your problem, and you're starting to think it is. Making things up with half a perception of reality is something you do well. Your perception is skewed.

You blame it on your parents. Never blaming them out of hate or spite, but because it's the truth. Your father, he's been your rock. He's gotten you out of the worst situations and never told you no (and when he did, it was turned to a quick yes). You blame your mother. She kept your hopes high, she put you on a pedestal. No one was good enough for you... you're a queen.

This has tainted to you. The way you look at love, and they way you think they should look at love. Very naive; you want to see the best in them, you want them to care. You think everyone deserves to have someone care. You care too much. You want some to care to make you happy, and never make you cry. You want to learn to be alone though, independence is a trait, but you're obsessive personality ruins that. It ruins the balance. You obsess on half of it and suffocate the person and you have yet to rid yourself of it.

You told yourself you're not worthy, then you were worthy again.

You're perfect. Everything combined makes you, you. And you're finally becoming happy with that.

Love,

Yours Truly