Mother letter

To The Woman Who Made Me Who I Am Today

Thank you for being my crazy, hilarious, "ball-buster" of a mother.

nyahkite
nyahkite
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Mom,

I know I'm not around as much because of school, but I wanted to let you know that you're always on my mind.

I wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me so far. From being my best friend, to being my rock that keeps me going through the everyday struggles of life. I know you'll always be there when I need you, even when it's 4 in the morning and I wake you by texting you about piercings I want.

I don't say it enough, but I appreciate you and the things you're willing to do to make me happy. You took the time to write me the letter that I still have in my phone case before I flew to Iceland for a week, just reminding me of all the things you've told me before. I read it every time I'm struggling or just want to remember what your handwriting looks like.

I want to apologize for any of the times I've made you cry with stupid words, or for the times I didn't listen to what you told me. I didn't mean any of the mean things I may have said to you and I hope you always know that I love you.

Without you, I wouldn't have been the person I am today. You made me strong, you made me compassionate, and you also made me hilarious, so thank you for that. If I didn't have you, I would be stuck in so many terrible situations, surrounded by the wrong people, but you always knew when a friend would last and when it wouldn't, so thank you for always warning me of what might happen.

I also want to let you know that even though I'm sad sometimes, I can always count on you to make things better. Whether it's with a phone call or driving two hours to come steal me away on a Saturday, knowing we'd just have to turn around and drive back the next day. I don't always tell you thank you for that, so thank you.

Thank you for being my crazy, hilarious, "ball-buster" of a mother. I know I can always count on you to rough someone up a bit when they get out of line, or whenever they decide not to stick around in my life anymore.

I love that you're my best friend, but you're a mother first. You teach me things about life while simultaneously helping me discover things on my own. You were the one who taught me that people watching is one of my favorite things and trying to narrate the lives of people we know nothing about is crazy fun.

I don't know what I would do without you. I wouldn't have anyone to sing country songs with and then immediately follow it with an old song from the 2000s. I promise I will still call you every single day, no matter how hectic life gets, and you will always be my go-to when I find out some crazy news about people we both know. You're my girl, always and forever.

I love you all day and I love you all night.

Your Daughter

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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