Hi. It's me.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you for all you've done. So many times, when it was late at night and I felt like my world was crashing down and I needed somebody, I turned to you.
Maybe it went like that, or you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes I can't control it — I desperately wish I could. The sadness is a shape-shifter, always on the run, and I wish I knew when it was planning on coming back for a visit. There's never any warning and no telling when it'll be gone. I know it couldn't have been easy to see me like that, with tears staining my face and the constant leg shaking and sobs escaping every 30 seconds.
Hey, we all have nights like that, right? But with me, it's different. A lot of nights are like that. I don't like when others see me cry, but I've lost it in front of more people than I'd like to admit. It happens.
I try to keep it to myself. Someone told me once that I wear my heart on my sleeve and all emotions on my face, so just by looking at me, you can see what's going on in my head. That makes hiding the pain pretty difficult.
When it's late and my mind starts to wander and I begin to panic, I search my mind for a temporary solution, something to distract me and help my mind go down happier paths. I don't want to bother anyone or have them see me like this. I try to write, or watch something uplifting, or go for walks. Alone. These tactics sometimes work, but most of the time I need company and genuine human interaction.
So I turn to people like you for help. You build me up when I'm tearing myself down. You love me even when I don't want to love myself. In my head, that's the kindest thing that anyone could ever do. The words I offer to you right now can't even begin to describe my gratitude. You could've walked away and never looked back, never returned to the mess that I unintentionally threw in your lap. But you didn't. You stayed. I wouldn't be here without the endless love and support, and I wish I could give you more than this article. But this will have to do for now, especially for those who are thousands of miles away.
Thank you for everything.
The comforting phone calls.
The late-night walks, where I usually stop every 2 minutes to point out the stars in the sky. I have a thing for stars, don't ask me why.
The lame jokes to get me to crack a smile.
The runs to get me food even when I say I don't want to eat anything. Trust me, if you bring back anything chocolate, or sugar-related in general, I'll eat it.
The movie marathons (either rom-coms or horror flicks, my favorite) that you insist will cheer me up...they usually do.
The long hugs.
The ranting sessions, when I need to talk non-stop for 10 minutes straight and get everything out in the open. And you know how much I love to talk.
Even the tiniest things you do when you think no one's watching. Nothing goes unnoticed, believe me. I notice the little things: gestures, facial expressions, small acts of kindness. It's all on my radar, and I consider myself lucky to have you in my life like this. Really, what would I do without you? I hope I'll never have to find out.
Love, your grateful friend
