There comes a time in every hobbit’s life where the urge to go on an adventure becomes too great to resist. But before you step your abnormally large feet outside of the shire and begin your journey to Mount Doom, there are a few things you need to consider.
1. Avoid The Dry Salmon
Whether you are as prepared as Bilbo Baggins or as disorganized as Peregrin Took, it is more than likely you will forget some critical ingredients for your meals during your journey. To avoid unfavorable mistakes like dry salmon or flavorless stew, it is wise to make a list on a piece of parchment of what meals you desire to make for breakfasts, second breakfasts, elevenses, lunches, afternoon teas, dinners, and suppers. Then, make sub lists of what ingredients you will need for each meal. This method will ensure that your potatoes will be buttery and your teas will be lemony.
2. Pick Your Predator's Poison
Nothing ruins your journey more than being hoisted up onto a tree branch and eaten. A solution to this is to bring insect repellent, a strong insect repellent, or if you don’t have access to that, perhaps a torch or a sword, preferably one longer than a letter opener. Such items will fend off monstrous creatures like the flies of Mordor, neekerbreekers of the Midgewater Marshes, Dumbledors of the Shire, and the Great Spiders led by Shelob.
3. Don't Get Over Baked
Because most adventures occur during the smoldering hot months of the year or may involve trekking up a mountain and entering a volcano, it is important to remember to protect yourself from the blistering heat. Learn from Frodo’s experience. By the end of his journey, he looked like over baked cram, a biscuit-like food made by the Men of Dale. So, to guard against blotchy and peeling skin, bring sunblock. Oh, and lots and lots of chapstick. Trust me. You don’t want crusty, dry lips.
4. Buns Are Best Bump-free
Apart from bringing along items, it is important to bring knowledge, particularly relating to plants and herbs. Often times when going on an adventure, it is necessary to pass through a creepy, dark forest every once in a long while. These forbidden forests hold many mysterious herbage and vegetation. Some can be poisonous to the body so it is wise to know which plants to avoid, specifically when one has to wipe a certain area after doing a certain activity behind a tree. Otherwise, if you are not knowledgeable, you may end up putting ointment in a place that is not comfortable to put it. So read up on the locations you plan to explore.
5. Don't Be A Troll
While you are out traveling Middle Earth, you must remember the importance of hygiene. During your journey, you may be forced to fight dragons, orcs, goblins, and other villainous creatures. Due to these battles, you may become filthy, covered in dirt, sweat, and blood, and begin to smell. However, washing your face and body with water from a nearby lake or stream can help reduce the odor. If you refuse to do so, your fellow explorers may do the honor of labeling you a troll. And nothing is worse than being compared to a troll.
6. You Won't Melt
The probability of having perfect weather throughout your entire journey is quite unlikely. Some days may be sunny, some may be cold, and some may be rainy. According to an old gray wizard, there is nothing you can do to change that for “it will continue to rain until the rain is done,” You simply must make the best out of each situation. If it is raining, use your jacket as a hood. If it is windy, sit between two fat dwarves. If it is sunny, use sunblock and chapstick (please, don’t forget sunblock and chapstick!).
7. Ugh, Horse Hair!
Lastly, if you are anything like Bilbo Baggins, I recommend bringing a handkerchief. Because, you know, allergies.
Now that you have learned some important tips to help you explore Middle Earth, sign the contract and go on an adventure, young hobbit!
