I'm sitting in a Starbucks on a Thursday morning, being unbelievably sad and also trying too hard to act like I'm happy. I'm alone. I'm depressed. I am now unwillingly single as my boyfriend, turned fiancé, now turned ex-fiancé ended our engagement, our relationship and essentially severed any proof of my existence in his life. I am utterly heartbroken as this just recently occurred, yet everyone I know keeps trying to tell me the same therapeutic bullshit that I really do not want to hear.

"It'll get better!"

"Now you get to focus on yourself."

"You need to move on. Don't wallow in your sadness."

Please, if you have told me anything closely related to this, do yourself a favor and kindly shove the psych talk right back into the book of bullshit that you drew it from.

"It'll get better!"

Really? Wow, as if I didn't know that. But right now, in this current moment, it isn't getting better. Each day is a struggle to drag my sad self out of my bed. Each day, I still cry my eyes out because, newsflash, I am sad. I am grieving the loss of a love and of a future that I had and still cherish with every fiber of my being. Now, it's gone and it isn't coming back. Don't tell me that it's getting better.

"Now you get to focus on yourself!"

I don't want to focus on myself. More so, I'm pretty much incapable of focusing on myself right now. I block out everything involving myself. Do you know why? If I don't, then I am caught in a horribly painful web of him, us, what I could've done better, how I could've made him change his mind, how I failed to keep my relationship together. So no, I'm not focusing on myself because honestly, I feel like I'm nothing without him. At this point, the only thing on my mind right now is how long of a nap I can sneak in before a lecture because my aching heart is driving my mind and body to near exhaustion.

"You need to move on. Don't wallow in your sadness."

No. Just no. I will wallow in my sadness because I am still hurting. My wounds are still fresh. My fiance, the love of my life, the man who I had envisioned the rest of my years alive with left me. My relationship, which had once brought me so much love, happiness and comfort, is gone. This man, who you are telling me to 100 percent forget about, showed me how to love again. How to be human. He healed my absolutely stone cold heart. So no, I won't move on right now. Yes, I will wallow in my sadness because dammit I have the right to.

When you feel as empty as the space around your finger where a beautiful ring once was, it's a little hard to move on. When you feel as if your heart was viciously ripped from your chest, and all you could do was watch it happen without being able to stop it, it's a little hard to move on. When you are forced to say goodbye to both a human being and a future that you had fallen so wholeheartedly in love with, it's a little hard to move on. It is hard to move on because I am honestly always going to care, support and love him. It's in my nature to never stop caring about someone who has been so deeply planted in my heart. So please, if you really care, love me and want me to be happy, let me be. Let me grieve. Let me cry. Let me be alone. I've been told I am an extremely strong person; that others couldn't handle what I've gone through. So trust me when I say, "I've got this. I'll get through this," because we all know that I will. I am just in need of a little time to heal this deep wound that has been inflicted upon me.

So one day, sunrises won't be sad and I will be able to sleep. The thought of kissing someone else won't make me want to sob. I will be able to be held in someone's arms without cringing. I will be happy again, in time. Until then, let me be. Let me be sad. Let me grieve. Let me heal. Let me find happiness again, one step at a time.