Depression is one of the most difficult diseases to battle -- and yes, it is a disease that doesn’t have a cure, but there are ways to treat it. I have been dealing with depression and an anxiety disorder since I was 12 years old. To this day, I struggle with the bad days and don’t always fully appreciate the good days, but I know that this is normal and I’ve learned how to navigate around most of things I feel when I have a bad day. Although some may never understand, depression and anxiety are both serious disorders and they aren’t something that should be thought of as "attention-seeking mechanisms."
Sometimes the simple process of getting out of bed in the morning is a difficult task. Sometimes I wake up and think, “Today is a day I just want to sleep and not do anything else,” while other days I’ll wake up and be ready to take the day head on. There is never a conscious reason to make me think these things, though, and that’s what people have trouble understanding. Depression and anxiety are both mental illnesses; they’re both disorders that aren’t a conscious decision to deal with. I know some people just think that "If I change my mindset, it’ll go away, if I change the way that I think, it will go away."
My response is always this: “I do not want depression and I do not want anxiety. Life would be at least 10 times easier if I didn’t have to deal with all the stress that comes along with these things, but that isn’t the case. Want to know why? Because depression and anxiety are chemical imbalances in my brain that I have absolutely no control over whatsoever unless I take medication to balance my brain out.” Nobody wants depression or anxiety and it isn’t their fault if they have these things.
I’ve learned that when I’m having a bad day, I just need to breathe, maybe watch TV or listen to some good music, and relax. I know that the feeling will eventually pass, even if it comes back another day. It helps to have such a wonderful support system, but it also helps to know that there are tons of people all around me that deal with things like this and I’m not alone. Nobody that deals with this is alone.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help when dealing with something like this. I asked for help because my depression, at age 12, was so bad that I was sleeping 18 hours a day. I barely ate anything at all, I missed a lot of school, and I never left my room. I thought I hit rock bottom, I thought things would be better for everyone if I just wasn’t around anymore, and I didn’t really want to be alive. But then something in me just clicked and I realized that I want to live to see my high school graduation, I want to live to see my younger brother grow up, I want to live to see the start of college, and I want to live to my 25th birthday. I want to live, and even though some days are harder than others, I know that living with my depression is better than not living at all.
Believe it or not, it does get better, even if it doesn’t feel that way. I say this because I know -- I know how it feels to not want to live. I know how it feels to think no one wants you here. I know how it feels to think others just don’t understand, but I do. I understand, and there are others out there that understand, too. You just have to find them and help each other out. It does get better.
Sincerely,
A girl also battling depression
