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To The Woman Who Made College Home

The importance of female friendships in an increasingly hostile world.

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To The Woman Who Made College Home
Upasana Sharma

Ca·thar·sis: The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

I know some people who would swear that spending a few days in a rural village in India was cathartic, some say that watching the sun rise over Prospect Hill with a bunch of strangers was cathartic, and still others argue that reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" changed their life. This article is not to belittle those people, but rather to share my story. The story of a friendship that changed my life. Changed me. For the better? Definitely.

In August 2014, I was an 18-year-old cherub-cheeked first year at Mount Holyoke. What I had not anticipated at that time was that I was about to be hit or rather, sucker-punched, with a severe bout of depression in a couple of months. I had moved away from home, a home I definitely took for granted at that time. I had recently graduated from a school that I had attended for 14 years of my life and was eager to put that phase behind me. I had ended a friendship that I was sure would last forever and had not quite come to terms with the reality of that as yet. Despite having grown up in a globalised world, I was definitely facing a solid culture shock in the United States. At this point, a woman came into my life and somehow we became the unlikeliest of friends. She came from a rather affluent family in Pakistan and my first impression of her was that she was exactly like those cliquey rich girls I had made a point to avoid in high school. At the age of 18, I fancied myself an emotionally stable, highly sophisticated intellectual. How wrong I was.

So this goes out to the girl who gave me a family away from family, who gave me love when I was away from everything I loved. The girl who made college home.

I know how much she enjoys public declarations of love, and this is as public as it gets right now, so here goes.

Thank you. For you have supported me when no one else did.

Thank you. For you have not judged me when everyone else did.

Thank you. For you held my hand when no one else would.

Forget being there for me when I fall, Thank you. For you have, quite literally, jumped straight in with me.

As a society, we tend to disregard female friendships. Putting male friendships on a pedestal, we undermine female friendships as being superficial. How often have we heard someone say "women are so bitchy" versus "bros before hoes"? In fact, I knew a boy once who out-rightly declared that "girls just can't be friends."

Woah, look at these two. They're obviously not friends.
Huh? Why?
Because they're chicks, bro. Duh!

Too often do women themselves attempt to distance their personalities from other females by saying "Girls are so much drama; I much prefer hanging out with boys". Honestly, though, If I had a dollar for every time I have had boys create drama in my life or have them create it in their own lives and then vent to me, I could pay off my tuition loans tomorrow. An individual's tendency to create drama has no correlation with their gender. To be fair, I too am guilty of doing this, but now, I know better. I know that this is a highly sexist idea and it needs to be stemmed, now. I know this because of the wonderful female friendships I have forged over the past two years at Mount Holyoke. These friendships were forged organically due to a mutual love for Coke Studio, Bollywood or classical dance; and thanks to these friendships I have widened my own sphere of knowledge. By opening my mind to different opinions and viewpoints I have felt challenged in the most beautiful of ways. I have felt a sense of solidarity in these friendships that I have never felt before. There is a misconception that women have slumber parties ever so often and sit discussing boys and eyebrows into the night. While eyebrows and boys do receive an occasional mention in our nightly study sessions, we actually sit talking into the wee hours of the morning about the flawed concept of manifest destiny, a resurgence of McCarthyism in the Indian sub-continent, Sadat Hasan Manto's writings and Sanjay Leela Bhansali's cinematic genius. Damn, how b*tchy of us.

This is thus an acknowledgement of one incredibly valuable female friendship of mine and the vastly positive impact it has had on me an individual. A friendship that is a source of comfort. A source of inspiration and motivation. A friendship that has made me realise the true value of myself and with that, the insignificance of my existence in the scheme of things.

Being friends with you has brought me off my high horse and made me a more rooted person. Just talking to you on a daily basis has been empowering, and I have realised the vast capability of the human mind if it is used for the right purposes. Knowing you has been a humbling experience, a powerful and energising experience and also a relaxing experience. It has been an experience that I will forever cherish.

I love you TJB.

-Tumhara pyaar, sarhad paar.
(Translation: Your lover on the other side of the border)

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