What is life without a mother? Is it a never ending pit of misery? A life that's hard but livable? Some people won't have to ask themselves this question until they're in their late 40's or 50's... but some will have to ask themselves this question when they're only a teenager.
I was the girl whose mom died when she was only 15. I've already had to ask myself this question. I've had to live with it in the back of my mind everyday for three years. Though I've tried to hide the thought in boxes, wishing that I could push it to the darkest parts of my mind to collect dust, it never goes away. With that question in my head everyday, I also experienced grief. I experienced anger, self-doubt, depression, sadness. I had to be the girl who smiled through the pain as she watched other girl's mothers take pictures at prom, at the homecoming coronation, at her high school graduation. I was the girl who was asked by people she'd just met where her mother was or what she did for a living.
To the teenage girl who is living life without a mother, I am here to tell you that you are not alone. There have been other girls who know the pain, who have cried themselves to sleep because they miss their moms. There are other girls who have cried at public events, such as prom, because their mother isn't there. We are a unique type of young women. We are the girls who have to experience this life without a mother, the woman who brought us into this world. It can feel like an absolutely impossible task... but I'm also here to tell you that you will grow stronger.
When my mom died, I went into a downward spiral, and I didn't think that there was any hope in life. I was depressed. I was angry. I found myself wishing that I would've died instead of my mother. But then I finished my sophomore year of high school. And then my junior year, and then my senior year. Now, I'm a college freshman. I kept going even when every dark thought in my mind told me not to. I overcame problems I had that only my closest friends know about. I chose to keep living. I chose to be the girl that my mom had raised me to be, that I knew she would be proud of. Through living without my mom, I've grown. I found out who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. It took time. It was painful, and it continues to be painful. But if I'm not being the best person that I can be, aren't I failing to honor my mother's memory by forgetting who she believed I could be?
It will never stop hurting, but everyday it hurts a little less. Everyday is a new day, a day that God has blessed you with. As you wake in the morning, and as this beautiful thing called air fills your magnificent, magical lungs, just meditate on the fact that you are alive. Bask in the comfort that your mother is watching you from above, or wherever you believe that she may be. Remember that she loved you dearly, and that she would not want you to be sad. I know, I truly know from the bottom of my heart that it hurts, but I also know that you can make it through this. I have lived through it, and I still do. I know that you can, too.
