Sometimes it feels like time is just being wasted. Sometimes an impending doom comes over you when you realize how much student debt you've accumulated. Self-doubt can also settle in when you realize that all of those around you have a life-plan, dreams, and aspirations. It’s when there isn’t enough coffee in the world to keep you awake to finish the 10 page research paper you’ve had weeks to start. When your bed is more appealing than your 8 a.m. class. When the motivation no longer comes and you haven’t seen the walls of the library in months. Researching careers that don’t require college degrees. From questioning joining the National Guard to thoughts of moving back home.
I’ve been through it all. It’s frustrating to not be sure of what to do.
Perhaps, the world is too big. There are too many choices and too many roads to travel down. Why should the options stop at left or right when you can travel up and down as well? Why walk when you can run, jump, skip, or hop? Should I leave home? Do I uproot my entire life and start anew or do I build the rest of my life on this foundation?
What kind of job should I get? Should I work full-time or take on two part-time jobs? Keep life a little interesting. Should I blow almost all of my money downtown or spend my Friday nights watching movies? How do I be a part of a world that never slows down, that never sleeps? A world in which I am nobody to most people but everything to some people.
What is most important to me? Is it the relationships with others or the amount of money in my bank account? Do I make the first move or wait for him? Do I order the burger or the salad? Is it bad that I finished the whole bottle of wine last night? Why aren't there serving sizes for that?
Everyday we make decisions. Life throws them at us in waves. It begins when we wake up- do I shower or eat breakfast first? And ends as we lay in bed- do I watch one more episode or try to fall asleep?
I wish all of life's decisions were easy. But, I guess part of figuring out who we are is making the hard decisions and living with the consequences. Try to make decisions and let it be. Stop dwelling on the "could haves" and start living. Make a decision and revel in it.
Do something big. Follow the most outlandish dream you've ever had.
I was once told, "Enjoy yourself, small steps lead to a staircase of happiness."
