I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will get through it.
Most people don't understand the disease, that it's not just "not eating" and you just need to "eat more." It's something in your mind that tells you you're not thin enough. That all of your beauty is wrapped up in the shape of your body.
When you look in the mirror, you often finding yourself thinking that you're overweight, but more times than not, you are underweight. Your image is everything; it's what defines you. You categorize that your weight is also your beauty and what other people see you as.
The problem with that thought is that beauty is what you find inside of a person, not on the outside. That is what you are missing. You are so consumed with these frightening thoughts, that you refuse to see that God made you perfect the way you are.
It's not about all of the counting calories or exercising until you die. It's not about tiny portions that will help make you tiny. It's about what is in your mind.
Most people will not consider this a mental illness. It will be just a problem that every person deals with. You know and I know that that isn't true. It's the thoughts of control and manipulation that are whispering in your ear.
It's the desire to want to be the perfect. In your head, being perfect is eating those tiny little meals and weighing that tiny amount. But that isn't what makes you perfect. It's something that can kill you.
The reality of that this disease can kill you. When those tiny little meals turn to nothing, when hours turn to days turn to weeks with not eating.
That is when the reality sets in: when you realize you are not invincible. This can kill you if you're not careful. It's a coping mechanism to deal with those inner thoughts that consume you, but it's extremely dangerous.
1 Corinthians 10:13 states, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. "
Through God, it is possible to overcome what you are feeling, to not have those thoughts influence you the way that they do right now. One day it just gets better than the day before and it continues to move forward. Which is why you can never give up. The more you keep the destructive coping mechanisms, the worse it's going to get it.
So go ask for help, go get help and love yourself enough to want to stay alive. Don't let a disease kill you, don't let your mind kill you.
