You probably don’t remember me. We met at a party two years ago and haven’t seen each other since, but you stole something from me that night. I have been working each day to try to get it back but it is much harder than you may think.

You took my peace of mind. It took me twice as long to get ready for work or class because every time I stepped out of the shower I could still smell you on my skin. After three showers, getting dressed was the worst. No matter how many layers of clothing I put on I still felt exposed. When I walked to class, I couldn’t stop looking around to make sure you weren’t near me. I sat in class trying my hardest to stay focused, but that night kept repeating itself in my mind.

Work was even worse. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest every time I walked up to another table that the hostess sat in my section. I panicked when I would have a large group because I couldn’t look at everyone quick enough before getting right in front of the table. I was scared that I would be taking drink orders then turn to the next person and it would be you. I quit my job about two weeks later.

I didn’t accept what had actually happened to me until after a few weeks after the fact. I finally admitted it to myself. All I could do was cry. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I couldn’t report it -- I knew how it would play out if I tried to. I waited too long for physical evidence to still be there. No witnesses to secure the truth. I had been under the influence of alcohol and marijuana. There would be numerous excuses used and I would be labeled a liar even though I remember what happened perfectly. I wish I couldn’t. I felt so alone, scared, and vulnerable. I didn’t know what to do.

You took away my confidence and power. I felt so ashamed of myself when none of this was my fault in any way. I couldn’t stop my nervousness and speculations about every guy that approached me because I knew what they are capable of even if they were the kindest person in the world. I remember how powerless I felt while you restrained me, and how embarrassed I was for that to happen to me. Out of everyone there that night, including your girlfriend, you chose to steal this from me.

I know you’ll continue to live your life like nothing ever happened, I’m not sure you even think what you did was wrong. I’m not as scared anymore -- I am angry. That is what I am working on every day. You don’t deserve to take anything else from me -- not my time, not my emotions, not my life. It’s hard to give out forgiveness to someone who didn’t even offer an apology but I’m trying. Each day I get closer to finding my peace, my confidence, regaining my strength, reclaiming my body, and living my life without the restraint of your memory. Through this healing, I have discovered how much stronger I am and will be in the end.

I forgive you today and a little bit more tomorrow.