As a 20 year old, I have come across many situations where in my head I think, "my life is over" or "the world is just going to end before this gets better" or even just, "things will never get better". I have been dealing with depression, anxiety, and social anxiety for about 8 years now. When things don't go the right way or the way I had originally anticipated they would go, it is extremely easy for my brain to immediately go to the idea that it will never get better, that I will always be dealing with these issues for the rest of my life.

I was always told by other people that "it'll get better" or "this can't last forever" and I always hated when people said that cause they weren't me and they didn't know what I was feeling and going through. I constantly felt so alone, because while the other middle schoolers and high schoolers joked about how they were "going to kill themselves if they sat in this class any longer", I was hiding self-harm marks on my arms. When people tried to help me all I remember was everyone saying that things will get better and I honestly never believed anyone who told me that. In high school, when I thought things would get better they didn't. I was struggling to figure out my sexuality and questioned my gender identity, my personal relationships were not doing well, overall I was a very depressed person, was dealing with daily panic attacks, and constant thoughts of suicide. I was going to therapy for so long, but my parents thought I just wasn't happy and that I was just being a "typical teenager". It wasn't until I was officially diagnosed after 7 years of struggling that I truly understood what depression and anxiety are and how they differ from person to person drastically.

So, here I am, writing to anyone who needs to hear this from someone who is still currently living with depression and anxiety; it gets better. I am still working on the best ways to stabilize my mental health, and working on coping mechanisms. I am still working on the best ways to get those thoughts and ideas that suicide is the only way out, I am still working on myself! It's okay to need help and it's okay to work on yourself and your mental health. I look back at my old pictures from high school and middle school knowing how I actually felt when those pictures were taken. Some were taken just weeks after a suicide attempt, some were taken right before a panic attack, some were taken at a rare time when I was genuinely happy for a few minutes. I took the fall semester of my junior year of college off for medical leave to work on my mental health, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

Life DOES get better. It may take days, weeks, months, or years. It took me almost a decade to get where I am now, and I'm not even at my peak yet. For anyone who struggles with mental health issues: just know that it will get better with time. I know how incredibly frustrating it is now and how it seems as if you'll be stuck here forever, but you're not stuck. You're just starting your journey and you will get to where you want to go. It's okay to have setbacks, it doesn't mean it will take longer to get better or that it won't get better. I had a recent setback where I tried to overdose on medication in a suicide attempt. After the fact, I learned that I was glad it didn't work. I thought I had died, and my brain was freaking out, all I could think of was, "wow, I really fucked up this time. I made a huge mistake." I woke up a few hours later, my brain was still feeling very foggy but I was feeling completely relieved that I opened my eyes and saw my mom next to me. Since then, I have used that experience to power through, I don't want to attempt that ever again. When I start having suicidal thoughts, I remember that feeling and my thoughts disappear. Setbacks are okay, it's best if you do have a setback, learn from it and let it help power you through this. You will get better, and you will reach whatever goals you set for yourself.