To the person who made me feel like I would never be enough, thank you.
Months and weeks ago I don't think the words "thank you" even crossed my mind. I thought I needed you more than I needed anything. In truth, I didn't need you. I needed myself again. I wasn't who I needed to be. I finally took a step back and realized my worth, so thank you.
You taught me to never give up. I fought for you time and time again even when I was well past my breaking point. I never gave up or lost sight of what I wanted. I should've given up when everyone told me to, but I couldn't lose hope. I held on for so long. You taught me to keep going and trying even when I felt like giving up.
"Love is about holding on even when you feel like letting go."
I learned how to pick my fights whether it was with my family, friends or teammates because of you. I no longer fought over silly controversial things. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your pride to let someone else win. I value my relationships and friendships over winning an argument. I have become more understanding of other people around me. I try to understand someone else's perspective on an issue even when I may not agree. When it was good, it was amazing but when it was bad, I wanted shut myself in my room and hide from everything and everyone. I cannot tell you how many times I lied to all my friends and family saying "I am okay," when I really wanted to tell them everything that was going on.
Loving you was emotionally exhausting. It was trying and trying again and it never being good enough. It was questioning my own self worth and value. I loved you with the thought that maybe one day you would return it all, but you never truly did. But since I loved you with all I had, it showed me that someone someday would be able to return it in the same exact way I had loved you. I deserve someone who is not afraid of the way I love them. You loved me when it was convenient for you. There were always limitations to your love or within reasons. I love better now. Thank you for showing me what love is not.
Thank you for showing me your true colors when we ended. For so long, I defended you to my friends and family whenever they would talk about you. I lost so many relationships with people because of you. I was so blinded by what you were truly doing because I cared about you. You should've won an Oscar for your performance. I loved the idea of who I thought you were instead of seeing you for who you are.
"If someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them."
Thank you for going back to your ex days later. I surprise myself by saying that. You hurt me, but you made me strong and fearless. You came back weeks later trying to be nice and make things right, but there will never be a fix for what you did. You were right; you never did deserve me. And you were right again; I did find someone who does.
I am no longer weak and broken because of my past. I don't hold onto you anymore. I don't let others walk all over me just because they can. I stick up for myself. I no longer break when people say harsh and cruel words because they don't define me. I'm happy because I continue to love myself regardless of what anyone else says. You made me insecure because somebody I invested so much love and time in just threw it all away without good reason, but I am so glad you did. I learned how to pick myself up off the ground and love myself again. I started putting myself first and smiling again. I found happiness through the chaos.
If it weren’t for you, I would've never learned how to love myself again. I would've never put myself first again. When you left, you changed me, for the best.
Thank you for being apart of my life.