Pay close attention, because I am going to be talking about something that most people are uncomfortable talking about. I'm going to be talking to that person (maybe you) who is not okay. We all know someone, or may be someone, who is most definitely not okay; whether they admit to it or not—whether we know it or not. There's just one thing I want to say to that person before I begin: It's okay to not be okay.
I think we have all had conversations that go like this:
Person: "Hey, man, how are you?"
Us: "Hey, yeah, I'm fine. How are you?"
Person: "Yeah, yeah, doing okay."
On the surface, it seems everything is "fine." In reality, one of these people (or even both) may not be "fine." Oftentimes, when someone is hurting or going through something, they just write it off and ignore it when talking with those around them. It's habit to just say, "I'm fine."
Personally, I ignore it in conversations so as not to be a problem or burden to other people. I don't want to drag someone down just because I'm not okay. I don't want to cause problems when everything is going fine for them.
But sometimes, we need to and should say what's wrong. Actually, not even just sometimes. If something is wrong, you should seek help. That help may just be the listening ear of a trusted friend. Maybe it's finding a professional, like a counselor, to help you get through something. When we ignore when something is wrong, it just gets worse.
Don't internalize your problems. Don't feel like your problems are a burden. Don't write off how you feel just because "someone else has it worse." Don't invalidate your emotions and problems.
You are worth the time of someone else. Your life has meaning and worth. Ninety percent of the time, you are not a burden or problem to someone else; and if they make you feel as if you are, then please cut that person out of your life. Surround yourself with people you can trust and people that love you and will care for you. If someone truly cares for you, then they will do what they can to help you. But you have to ask for that help.
I know sometimes, we are screaming in our heads at people, just hoping they see that you're not okay. But people can't read our minds. We can't expect them to just intuitively know that something is wrong. Even when we try to drop hints. You have to physically tell someone that you are hurting, that something isn't right. Don't assume someone doesn't care just because you didn't ask for help.
And don't be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs help sometimes. It's okay to ask for help, to need help. You shouldn't be ashamed to need help.
If you know someone who isn't doing okay, even though they say they are, don't ignore it. Even if you just think someone may not be doing okay, try to help them. Try to understand what is going on with them. Whatever they tell you, please don't get accusatory, judgmental. Just listen to them and do what you can to help. Let them know how much you care for them and what they mean to you. Let them know that you're glad they came to you for help. Don't let someone walk away when you know you could have helped them. Don't let someone walk away if you think they need help. As scary as it is to say it, you might not see them again.
If you are the person who isn't doing "fine," who isn't okay, tell someone. Please tell someone. Grab your best friend and pour your heart out. Grab a parent or guardian and just tell them what's going on. Go to your pastor or other religious leader and ask them for help. Don't walk away, saying you're fine, when you know you aren't. Don't hide how you feel just because you're afraid of how someone might react.
Lastly, always know that suicide, self-harm, punishing yourself, or anything along those lines is absolutely not an option. Life is worth living, even when you feel like it isn't. There's always a light, a hope, even if you can't see it yet.
