People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The world is in chaos because things are being loved, and people are being used. - Unknown
We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt used by someone for something. Whether we have been a place for someone to temporarily store their emotions, or a friend to someone who neglects to be a friend to you, we have all felt used. I’ve once heard friendships and relationships look and feel like friendships and relationships because they’re mutual. Using looks and feels like using. You’ll know because you’ll feel like you’re ‘losing.’
Recently, I’ve had someone open my eyes about how awful my “friends” are. The very people I sacrifice for, do absolutely nothing to make sure I am OK. I’ve realized I am “friends” with a lot of people, but for the most part, they are never mutual friendships. I thought I was investing time, money and energy into a mutual relationship. Turns out, the relationships were rarely mutual. Most of the time, people use me for my empathy and compassion-driven advice. I have chosen to always be there for people in their times of need, even if they neglected to be there for me in my times of need. I convinced myself they didn’t use me. I convinced myself of a lie. I will clear my schedule to be there for people who could not care less about me. I prioritize people who don’t prioritize me at all. I go out of my way to be there for people who rarely have time to respond to a text from me. It’s always been interesting to me how people all of a sudden have time when they need something. They have time to text and time to talk, but at my cost.
Sometimes, at the end of the day, I feel more empty than full. Sometimes I feel like I’ve poured so much into other people’s cups without having anything put back into mine. My sympathy has been sucked dry, and my happiness has been taken away. Sometimes I feel used, broken, and dejected.
How easy it is for some people to use individuals who continuously make themselves available to be used. How easy it is to essentially throw them away once you’re done with them. For those of us who have been used, I know how hard it is to speak up. I know how lonely and empty you feel at the end of the day. I know how deeply you desire a mutual relationship, not just one that surfaces when someone needs something from you.
From this point on, I challenge you to make an oath to yourself— you deserve it. Make an oath that you will no longer accept less than you deserve. Whether it is in a relationship or a job, never settle for less than what you deserve. Never have or be a part time friend. Stop being available for people who are never available for you. Lastly, make an oath to only be friends with people you are proud to be friends with. Friend those who show compassion on you, and who support you even when you fail. Be friends with someone who is also a friend back to you. In life, love, and relationships— never settle.
