I've always been a picture hoarder. No matter what happens with someone or how many pictures I have of the same thing, I hate deleting pictures. They all serve as memories to me, which is something I think is super important.
This is both good and bad. It allows me to constantly scroll through and see all the things I've done and where I've come from, but it also shows me you.
I know we didn't end on terms that would be considered "great" by any means. Honestly, it was rough. After everything ended I was at my lowest of low, not ready to take part in anything during the following months.
I always dwelled over what happened between us, blaming myself. What did I do wrong? Why wasn't I good enough? Would we still be together if I was someone different? How can I change who I am?
I couldn't stop blaming myself. I became obsessed with the idea of not being good enough for you, and in turn, thought I wasn't good enough for anyone. I lost who I was. I walked away from lifelong friendships and shut everyone out because I thought I wasn't good enough and they all deserved more than what I could give them. I didn't let anyone in. It was just me and my thoughts for months.
To be honest, I'm scarred from the things that happened within our relationship and from the way you treated me. It's taken me years to overcome some of those battles, and others I am still struggling with. But, they've helped me grow into the woman I am today.
Our relationship taught me what toxicity truly is. It taught me what not to just overlook within a relationship, and it taught me what standards to hold myself and my future relationships to.
Because of you, I will never let myself be walked all over. Because of you, I will never let someone invalidate my opinion or my responses. Because of you, I will never continue a relationship that is mentally draining in any way. Because of you, I will always speak up when I am uncomfortable.
I stayed with you out of love, but it wasn't love. I sacrificed who I was to become someone else for you, and that still wasn't enough. Never again will I change who I am to please someone else.
You taught me the importance of self-love, respect, and confidence. You taught me to always put myself first.
I can finally say that I can look at you or see our memories together and not feel sick to my stomach. Instead, I'm grateful for the growth I've made and who I am today, and I truly hope you've grown into a better person, as well.
Thank you for the memories, which at the time, were more than I could ever ask for. But more importantly, thank you for being a lesson.
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