To The Ones Who Didn't Believe In Me...

To The Ones Who Didn't Believe In Me...

Thank you for the motivation.

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To the ones who never believed in me. It was a joke to you when I said that I wanted to join the Army. Yet here I am two years later and striving better than I ever had in the military career. I have been able to almost get my second MOS. It was a joke to you when I decided to go back to school. I almost have failed, I dropped out, I wanted to quit, but yet your motivation of wanting me to fail only made me push harder. I have had tears in my eyes struggling to read the questions but yet I did it. I have been way too tired to read that extra chapter yet I read it.

You laughed at me when I told you I wanted to work in the special victims unit. I did not find it funny, but you did. One day I will be the best damn detective I ever can be because you thought I couldn't. You wanting me to fail makes me push harder. When I bought my jeep you said that was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. But yet I own two vehicles and you own only one? You laughed when I said I wanted to get my Ph.D., you said I would fail but yet I am almost two years done. You wanted me to fail at psychology and thought it would be too hard for me, but that 3.0 doesn't lie. When I brought up finding happiness, you said I was stupid and it would not last. But here we are stronger than ever and I am happier, healthier, and more loved than I ever have been.

When I brought up how I wanted to be work with helicopters you laughed in my face. When you called me stupid and dumb. It hurt, it stung and I cried. But today I will use it as motivation. To do that extra push up, read that extra chapter, to run a little faster, to study extra harder, to work extra hours, to love more than my heart could ever hold. Because you told me I would fail because you laughed just a little louder that time because you never believed I could be a soldier, a college student, a detective, a helicopter pilot, a doctor, a lover, a mother, a homeowner, a wife, to be myself. You never believed in me, but ten years down the road, I will be all of that and more.

Because of you I will succeed and pass all of your expectations...

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I Hate That I Struggle To Love My 'Midsize' Body

I gained a few pounds, but that shouldn't be the end of the world, yet it is in a sense.

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Junior year of college has been quite the wild ride. I've had the best academic year of my entire life, yet struggled, in the end, to even want to get anything done. I didn't care about a lot of the things that used to matter to me.

I gained weight at the beginning of my second semester and went up a jean size, so half of my summer wardrobe just doesn't fit me anymore, and it's made me feel embarrassed. I went from a size 6 to an 8/10, and while it doesn't seem like a big jump to the average person, it was to me. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a bigger pooch than usual, or how my thighs have gotten super irritated because they also got bigger. Chaffing I used to only have in the summer occurred in late January and even scared my inner thighs. It's not cute and it hurts when it flares up. I am terrified to wear my bikinis again because I know they won't fit, and the second I put on shorts my thighs are going to want to kill me if I don't kill them first.

I came to really love my body last summer after struggling through a rough breakup where I stopped caring about myself. I owned myself last summer and as much as I want to again this summer, I'm really struggling with the idea of it.

All I feel like I see on social media are skinny girls with zero hint of a pooch or thick thighs in sight. I've never been a skinny girl and I never want to be, but I can't help but envy the people I've seen online and in person. Of course, what I see on social media isn't really accurate, but it's still been tough to look at these girls who seem like they don't have a care in the world. They can eat whatever they want and still look flawless. They can throw on a bikini and not have to feel like they need to suck everything in so no one sees their pooch hanging over their bikini bottom. As a stress eater who is still too terrified to try on her bikinis, I'm not looking forward to showing my body off when all I want to do sometimes is hide it because I don't feel happy with what I see.

I will always love being a curvier girl and YouTubers like Sierra Schultzzie, Carrie Dayton, and Lucy Wood have given me a new boost of inspiration to embrace the body I have right now. I'm not skinny but I'm not plus sized either. I feel pressure from myself and certain people in my life to be skinnier and not "let myself go." I

'm so happy to have friends who have helped me through my struggles and support me, even when I don't want to support myself. These YouTuber's have opened my eyes to the fact that this body deserves to be loved just as much as my former, smaller body.

I want to love myself with 100% of my being and I hate how much hatred I've allowed to go on inside of me. There is only one me and I need to be proud of her. Maybe she gained some weight and isn't what society expects from a girl, but she's still amazing and has so much to offer.

I wish I could see more girls like me on YouTube or social media offering a representation of my body type, which I hardly ever see. Aerie and American Eagle have done a fantastic job of including different body types and it's been a great help in seeing that they really to make clothes for all types of women, not just a size zero to two. Added representation really does wonders for someone suffering from low body confidence like me.

While I hope to begin my journey into losing a few pounds this summer by jogging whenever I get the chance, I'm not going to put intense pressure on myself to look a certain way. I am single for the summer and exploring life with my best friends by my side. I'm here to be the best version of me that I can. I cannot let negative thoughts about myself to dictate how I feel every day. I am strong, I am beautiful, and I need to love myself and my body as I am.

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To The Girls Who Have Doubts About Their Worth

You can do so much more than you know!

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I won't say I'm a professional at this, but it is a frequent state of mind. I think that's just something we all go through. Whether it be during high school, college, or even later. There's a small part of your brain that whispers, "You don't deserve this" or "You're not good enough." And despite all of your accomplishments and how far you've come, you believe it. It's not your fault, it's none of ours, it's just something that makes us second guess everything about ourselves. It's not intentional, it just happens. Sometimes even without us knowing it. So, this article is for you all. I hope it helps.

This past semester has been the best one of my three years of college. I got the best grades, the highest GPA, and I actually enjoyed myself. I am in my major classes, and it really made me proud that I made the scary switch. I am in a much better place and I am so thankful. I am changing apartments next year and living in the same complex as three of my best friends. I am going to get a job and enjoy my senior year. So, despite having all of these amazing things in my life, there is still a sliver of doubt that I don't deserve it. Since I found my passion, I'm not allowed to have two fantastic internships or a summer job. Or time next semester to enjoy my college career. And it doesn't matter how many times my mom reassures me that I'm doing great or my friends tell me that this is the happiest they've seen me, I still have this doubt.

My advice for dealing with the negative thoughts is this: tune them out. Say f*** it, and just do your thing.

All you can do is better yourself and your future. Take risks and do something that you actually enjoy. I didn't realize how much I hated business until I switched to journalism. Even a small change like that has really turned my entire life around. I have met so many fun and awesome people that I now call my friends because of this switch. It's OK to be nervous but take that leap of faith. Trust yourself. You are capable of so much more than you let yourself believe. As long as you are safe and careful, make things happen. Apply for that job. Get that tattoo. Do what makes you happy. Because that's all any of us want. We all want to be happy, and if you can do that, you can do anything.

Yes, putting yourself out into the world is super scary. But it's worth it when it matters and it's something you want to do. You are worth so much more than you are aware of, and that stupid, little voice in the back of your head should be your motivation. It should push you to become the best version of yourself you can be. Don't let it hold you back, let it push you forward. You don't want to miss out on awesome opportunities because of that stupid voice, right? Right! So, just tell that voice, "Give it your best shot" because you just use that voice to motivate yourself to do the best you can. Nothing should hold you back, even that little voice, because, you can move mountains and change the world.

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