I've had plenty of friends come and go throughout my life. People change or grow up. Maybe someone moves, and it just gets harder to make time to see each other. Losing those friends can be tough, but what's worse is losing someone you thought would always be "your person". But sometimes they don't move away to a new town, you still seem to like the same things, but one day you realize you're just not the friends you used to be.
I thought my person and I would be just like that forever. We spent all of our time together, even if it was just our fifteen minute breaks from work. We knew all of each other's secrets. We supported each other no matter what, despite our friends encouraging us (mostly me) to let the other go. When my parents split up the first time, my person was the first one I called and they were there as fast as they could be.
So what changed? I couldn't tell you; I wish I knew myself. I've spent a great deal of time wondering and wishing I could figure out what happened, but nothing clear ever comes to me. What I have learned is that I don't need those answers. Knowing why we stopped being friends won't magically make us friends again, nor will it comfort me. Having all the answers will just give me another reason to dwell on our friendship. I'll spend more time wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done differently, wishing I could go back in time and say something different or be there more.
Sometimes you can't just try harder. Giving all of your effort to someone and getting nothing in return is not a healthy relationship. I've reached out and hoped to reconnect but have been met with little in exchange. I've realized that's not my fault, and there's no reason for me, or you, to do anything differently. If someone wants you in their life, wants you to be their "person", they won't let you get away so easily. They will try to make things right and make an effort to be your person too.
Keep in mind, too, that your first "person" probably won't be your last. If you've managed to keep the same friends throughout your entire life, I'd like to applaud you because it's not easy for everyone. My first, true person slipped away but I know it doesn't mean I'll never have a friend like that again. I have amazing friends, and someday I'll find someone who is truly my person the way the first was, maybe even better.
If you're struggling with a friend like this, I'd advise you to let go. Someone as important as your "person" should, at the very least, be willing to try to make it work when it feels like the friendship is crumbling. Don't hold on to people who clearly want to be set free. I'd like to take this time to formally thank the one who was my person, and see them to the metaphorical door. I've learned I can close it on my own.
