I am not the kinda girl boys fall in love with...
Love. Love! Love? A thought. A feeling. A question.
A year ago from today, I would have been the one to say love was just another emotion that we as humans convince ourselves exists. Love isn't anything meant for me, just a waste of time. Today I sit here typing this article for the public eye to tell you "hey I was wrong." Love is no joke. You were no joke. You were more like an eye opener, someone who showed me to trust, someone who showed me a home within you. Someone I will look back at and remember as the one who taught me to truly love someone else and most of all love myself.
Love changes us.. love brings out our demons but also brings out our strongest qualities. Everyone will find someone someday who will come around and change your perspective on life. Someone you will imagine a future with and picture every cheesy 90's movie romance with.. I found you.
I found you by mistake.. unplanned.. unsure... by surprise. The best surprise. The one I never saw coming. The one I sit here today being beyond grateful for, but now... you're not here. You're gone. Not from this world but from mine. It took about two minutes to look into your eyes and see our future so why isn't it as easy to forget?
We live in a world where the feeling of loving someone is no longer like a "90's movie forever with you kinda feeling", but more like a game. A game we have turned this emotion into, a long journey of betrayal and hate. Why? why do we do this? Why can't we just sing songs to one another and go on picnic dates and love each other so unconditionally that one day our kids will walk down the aisle thinking "I want the kind of love mom & dad have, that forever kind of love."
When I lost you, I lost a part of me. The part that wanted to believe in the image of a Heath Ledger & Julia Stiles kinda love. Everyday I'll think about the what if? what if I changed... what if I fought harder and harder? what if I never let you leave... but I did.
Someday i'll wake up and be okay, maybe not today maybe not tomorrow and honestly not for awhile but when I get there just know you will always have piece of my heart. A faint piece.. the piece I will hold close to my heart and tell my daughter about. Tell her how I went from the one who never thought would love, to the one who will forever love YOU.
xoxo.
The One Who Learned To Love.
