It's been a while hasn't it... a text here and there, a phone call or two, sometimes even a voicemail! Lucky me, huh? I used to feel sad and sorry for myself that you weren't around, but not anymore. I'm way better off without you anyway. I used to blame myself you know. I thought you left because of me. I thought I was too much to handle and that's why you and mom fought all the time. You both were very young when you had me, I give you that. But you don't deserve another excuse in your favor. You found a new family. One that was better than the original you had chosen in your eyes apparently.
At first, it was easy to handle. I slept over your apartment every other Friday. Just me and you hanging out like nothing had changed. But you changed. Soon enough you were taking me to meet one of your coworkers who turned out to be your now wife. I didn't appreciate that. And I will never forget the day you introduced me to this whole new other part to your life. I was blindsided quite frankly. I was coming to your work to help you coach the team and hang out with your students who I loved spending time with. And she was there. You brought me to meet her because you knew I wouldn't have a choice but to stay and talk once I was there.
That night I went home and I cried. I told mom about her. And I said that there was more to her than just being someone you worked with. Soon after you two had a baby. I was angry. I was infuriated. I wasn't good enough for you and now you were going to replace me with this new human. I didn't want that baby to come. I didn't want any of this. And then that baby went to heaven. I blamed myself for what happened that day. I sometimes still do blame myself. Because I didn't want that baby to be born and I thought I had gotten my wish. But that wasn't what I wanted. I could never wish for something that cruel.
Years later another baby came along, my half brother. He looks just like me. I met him once. One time. That makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs in anger. It's not fair that in order to see my brother, I have to see you too. I don't want to see you. I have lost all respect for you, not just for leaving, but the things you said and did to me that I will never ever forget. But I want to see my brother. And some day in the future when he's old enough to make decisions on his own, I will try and make that happen.
But for you, I hope to never have to cross your path again. I am not looking for sympathy or trying to stir the pot with these words, however, this may be the only way to get this point across to you. I am doing okay without you. And mom is doing more than enough for us, and she is a better father than you would have ever been. You truly have missed out on a lot and that's a shame. I just want to thank you for choosing the other family, you did me a favor the day you walked out of that door.
Your First Born, Caitlin
(just in case you forgot)