To the man who changed my heart:

Thank you.

Thank you for the memories, the laughs, the tears, the learning moments, the personal growth experiences and much more.

For two years I gave my heart, my soul and my everything to a relationship that I thought was my forever; my fairytale come true. You proposed to me in front of my family and friends, I said yes and from there on out life with you was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be what I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little girl. I thought that you were the plan that God had in store for me.

However, what I thought His plan was, simply turned out to be just another learning experience on my journey through life; on my path to His greater plan.

For two years I slowly felt myself changing, not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I gained weight, fought the battle of depression and anxiety and I felt myself slipping further and further away from God. I pushed aside the red flags that I was being shown in our relationship because I was blinded by what I thought was true love. I gave up things I loved, as well as going out and making memories with the people I loved, just to make you happy by spending every free moment I had with you. Piece by piece I lost myself and the light inside of me that has shined so bright for all of those around me to see, gradually started to fade away alongside the woman that I had worked so hard on becoming. Slowly but surely I lost myself.

When I became engaged to the man who I thought was my forever, a switch turned on in me and for the first time in two years I was finally able to see all of the things that had blinded me for so long. I was finally able to see that my feelings weren’t the right feelings I should be having for being so newly engaged.

Not only did a switch flip in me, but a switch flipped in “the man of my dreams” after he proposed to me. Suddenly, the man of my dreams wasn’t so dreamy after all. The lack of communication, respect, thoughtfulness, encouragement, understanding and more faded away, along with being the gentleman that I had always known him to be. I was now seeing a man who was like a stranger to me; a man that I could feel myself falling out of love with.

Everything changed. Life kept moving forward, but my feelings had fallen behind. Hateful, demeaning, thoughtless words kept escaping the mouth of the man who said he loved me and wanted to spend forever together. That’s when it finally dawned on me that my self-worth surpasses all Earthly things because in the eyes of the Lord God, I am loved. It finally hit me after all of this time that I am a Daughter of the living God, and that I should be cherished, loved and adored, above all things, by the Creator of all things, for the Glory of Him, who is greater than all things. In His eyes I am beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and unique. To Him, I am never too much, and I am always enough. To Him I am worthy of endless love and affection.

When this dawned on me, I knew my engagement was over. In this moment, I took a step back and realized that the man that I was engaged to marry made me feel the opposite of what a Godly man should be making me feel. This was God’s sign to me saying, “I have bigger and better plans for you, my Daughter.” And in that moment, I knew I had to make a change.

Never in a million years did I think that I would be in the situation of ending an engagement, however, I am blessed beyond belief to have seen the signs now, rather than marrying a man who isn’t in God’s forever plans for me. It’s funny how things happen, how life happens, and how God’s timing is truly perfect. His love and guidance are always with us when we need it the most.

Saying goodbye to the man who I was engaged to, to the man I thought was my forever, was difficult even though I may not have fully shown it because I was so angry at how he had been treating and speaking to me. Saying goodbye to someone who you have shared your life, time, secrets, hopes, dreams, fears, and much more, with is never easy. It’s saying goodbye to familiarity, and saying hello to the unknown… It’s taking a leap of faith and trusting in God and His plans for my future… Whatever they may be. Although saying goodbye was difficult, it was extremely relieving in so many ways.

So to the man who changed my heart… Thank you

Thank you for showing me your true colors so that I could realize that we were not meant to be. Thank you for the life lessons that I’ve learned about myself and about the woman I don’t want to become. Thank you for making the choice of choosing my education over you an easy one, because I know my future is bright, and I know that I’m going to make an impact on those I cross paths with. Thank you for showing me that by speaking my mind it can move mountains and shed so much light on a situation. Thank you for sparing me the heartbreak of a divorce later on down the road, because that is the path we were traveling on.

But most of all, thank you for helping me find my faith again, because His love and His plan are bigger than anything I could have dreamed of for myself. Because of you, my relationship with Christ is stronger than ever, and I have found myself again through Him. The light inside of me, that had become so dim, now shines brighter and bolder for the world to see. For the first time in a long time in a long time I feel whole again, and I am finally seeing the woman that I set out to be so long ago.

You may have been what I thought love was, but I now know the difference. The kind of love you showed me was not the kind of love God has in store for me, and I’m ok with that.

Even through all of this my heart is not jaded or closed off to love. If anything, my heart is more open because I know what I want and need in a man that I will spend my forever with.

I know that when the time is right that God will place the perfect man for me in my life. When that time comes, my heart will be open and ready to fully love again with all that I have because I know that what the Lord has planned for me is something bigger and better than my heart and mind could ever imagine.

And when that day finally comes for me to find love again, I will cherish every moment of it, and I will be thankful of you, the man who changed my heart… For because of you, I have realized my true self worth, and I have finally figured out that I don’t have to settle for anything less than I deserve.