First and foremost I want to say there isn’t a day that goes that I don’t think of a future with you, but the strange thing is I may or may not know you yet. I have our wedding planned, home designed and all our kids named on Pinterest, and yes I am THAT girl who fantasies about what our life will be like. I await the day I get to witness you getting on one knee, meeting you at the altar, and making some of the best memories ever together. But while I do sometimes get impatient in meeting you, my heart becomes restless, and contentment becomes faint, I hope you know and understand one thing. I am not ready. I

know what you’re thinking… “How could she say that after addressing him as the guy she is going to marry?”, but allow me to explain. I am finishing my freshman year of college, I have my own jobs, my own schedule, my own choices that need to be made, and my own life that can be a little hectic at times with all I am involved in. I am 19-years-old wishing to meet you, but I am selfish in all the right ways. I am an independent and strong willed young lady that has dreams, goals, and aspirations that I’d like to accomplish before those dreams, goals and aspirations become accommodating to you and the life we live together. My identity was first found in Christ, and the ultimate love has been offered to me from He who is love, and right now my heart is so lost in Him you’d have to seek Him to find it. Before this becomes a tribute to me becoming “unattainable”, please understand I am still growing, learning and developing into the Proverb 31 wife you will need.

God has every moment in time in the very lines of his palms. He is creating our meeting moment, but until then I pray for you indefinitely. I pray for your family, your current relations, your education, career, success, defeats, hurt and happiness. I pray that everything you put your hands to prospers, that when God calls upon you, you act in reverence to His will, and when the enemy comes and knocks you from your steady ground that you will not look for answers in a bar at the bottom of a bottle, instead in your prayer closet at the bottom of God’s heart. I pray for your heart, and when our time comes you can trust me with even the very depths of it. Christ’s love towards me is the most incredible and pure aspect of who He is, and it is a love that will never be matched or even compared to earthly love. When hurt was my companion, anger was my demeanor, regret was my living space, and self-pride was my attitude, He still loved me more than man can fathom, and He only wishes we share and extend that to others.

I pray finally, that I can offer a love that is patient, kind, does not envy or boast. One that is not rude, self-seeking easily angered. A love that keeps no record of wrong, does not delight in evil and rejoices with the truth, always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. I hope I can love you just as Christ loves His church. While we are in this waiting process, know while he is creating your Proverb 31, He is creating my Ephesians 5.

We may never have my “Pinterest planned” life, cook after my 12 hour nursing shift, the house may not be perfectly cleaned, we missed little Johnny’s game or forgot to set an alarm for our early morning workout, but that’s when I’ll know in the most imperfect times God made the most perfect man for me. I will encourage you in your walk with Christ, but never take that intimacy away from you with Him. I will challenge you to try new things in the gym, but let you rep out with your guys. I will enhance your life decisions, but allow you that independence. Lastly, I will allow you to grow in your interests, career and goals, but always be you resting place when you come back home. You’re incredible already, and despite our lack of knowing one another I believe when you ask it shall be received, and I fully trust God’s perfect works. I don’t know where you are in the world and I haven’t earned the entitlement to know that yet, but I am so thankful aside from the unknown, God was thinking of me when He made you.