Freshmen year is a year of growing and intrinsic discovery. I was fortunate enough to attend Fresno State and be a member of the Women’s Lacrosse team. While various obstacles have impeded me from returning, I’m proud of my year in Fresno and the inherent self-discovery I was provided with through invaluable experiences. Life happens, and sometimes that’s a good thing.
My experience in Fresno was unique in comparison to most college freshmen. Being allowed to live off campus, rather than in a dorm was a huge amenity. However, I had to grow up, and I had to grow up fast. I had to act like an adult; I was propelled into life and gaining experience as I went. With great opportunity, comes great responsibility. This presented an obvious and ongoing challenge, filled with a multitude of “freshmen” mistakes. Of course, I lived wild and somewhat reckless. I was rewarded with great freedom and may not have always made the best decisions. But, you live and you learn.
Like all college freshmen, I was in a quintessential setting for self-discovery. All my experiences, from spending all day at athletics, to going out with friends, I learned more about myself than I had in my previous 19 years of life. Making new connections, especially within my team, allowed me to unapologetically be myself. I felt boundless in regards to societal constructs; I have never experienced a feeling so existentially rewarding. I am so grateful for the people who helped me along the way. I am thankful for every friendship I made at Fresno State; whether we are still friends or not. You all have helped me gain an understanding of who I am and have provided me with personal insight that is priceless. Even when life gets hectic, you have kept me grounded.
Of course, I miss it sometimes. The freedom, the team, the friendships... Even the football games and even being a Division I athlete. It’s impossible to pick yourself up and leave behind everything you’ve known for a year and not miss it.
It doesn’t happen all at once, though, and that’s probably the worst part. You don’t think much of it... Until you see the Snapchat stories, the Instagram posts, and everything in between. Everyone seems to be seamlessly living their lives without you, and that’s when you’re suddenly flooded with all the “good” memories. It tears you apart and distorts your perspective of the past. Suddenly, it feels like you may have made a mistake.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s perfectly human to reflect on good times.
I am often reminiscent but I remind myself that this was the right move for me. Sometimes a little change is not only rewarding but absolutely necessary. Coming to Regis has already changed my life tremendously. I’m starting to fall in love with lacrosse again. I’m closer to my family and friends and I’ve already made new connections that are going to last a lifetime. Finally, everything just feels, “right,” and I couldn’t ask for more. Things may not have worked out, but I can’t say I’m unhappy.
I don’t regret attending Fresno State one bit. I am so appreciative of the opportunity I was presented and the connections I made.
To my teammates: Thank you. Through adversity and an injury-plagued season, you got me through.
To my remaining friends in Fresno: Thank you. Although it’s hard to be far away and maintain a friendship, you make it worth it.
To the friends I’ve lost: Thank you. You have provided me with insight about myself that I otherwise wouldn’t have gained. I’m grateful to have had you in my life, even for a short time.
To my coaches in Fresno: Thank you. Despite the disagreements, I gained a tremendous amount of knowledge from you; on the field and off of the field. I am proud to have been a Fresno State lacrosse player.
To the life I left behind: Thank you. You taught me to value myself and my ideals. You taught my self-worth. You made me strong.
As human beings, our identity is a summation of our lifelong experiences and relationships. A little piece of me will always be in Fresno and a little piece of Fresno will always be with me, but it's time to close that chapter of my life and move on.
