When you are 17 or 18 years old, the world is not yet real. Debt is not concrete, it’s a vague term you hear your parents worry about. You itch to get out of your house and break the 8 to 3 school routine you have been subject to for nearly your whole life. Choosing a school to continue your education seems more like selecting a vacation destination than picking a place to plan your future.

As a senior in high school in a very sheltered community, I fell subject to this fairy tale idea of what college would be. I chose my school with complete disregard of fiscal responsibility, instead focusing on my love of the campus and my future teammates. I was not ready to successfully “adult”—and two years later I am at another university, more in debt from my freshman year than I will be from my final three years combined.

But let me be clear.

There is not ONE part of me that would change, take back, or undo my first year of college.

At times, it was impossibly difficult, of course. Learning to live away from my mom, adjusting to other people’s schedules and preferences, successfully managing my own time and conflicts. Hard stuff. But no matter how hard these things were, no matter how strong and definitive my reasons were for leaving, nothing was as difficult as actually making the decision to go. I cannot count the number of tears that were shed as I searched for new schools, cannot number how many times I panicked, realizing my life was not going the way I had planned. It was a necessary change, one made with my physical and mental health in mind, but that does not by any stretch of the imagination mean that it was an easy one.

To the place I left behind:

I thank you for being somewhere that I still miss. Thank you for being the first place I felt safe other than the house in which I grew up. No matter where I will go, and no matter where I am now, I will always feel at home in your buildings, in your town, on your campus. I have been back to visit several times since I transferred, and each time it feels as if I had never left at all.

To the people I left behind:

You are what I miss the most. From the teammates who supported me through injury and discouragement, to my first real love, to my best friends who quickly became my family, thank you.

Even though the school was not the right fit for me, that does not mean that you all were not the right fit for me. Because of you, I have learned some of my favorite lessons and I am so thankful that life led me in your direction, even for a short time.

Even now, although we may not talk as much as we’d like and we may only see each other a few times a year, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. You all taught me to be an individual, to embrace the parts of me that are weird and goofy. You taught me to be resilient and mentally strong, taught me that even when I’m feeling lonely, I’m not truly alone. Friends come and go, but I have never once doubted that you would have my back. I will always have yours.

Sometimes I have to wonder what my life would be like if I had never left. Truthfully, though, I don’t think I want to know. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, and I have to trust that I have ended up in the right place. I have learned so much about myself through the process of coming and going; things that I may otherwise not have understood.

Here, I have blossomed in ways that I do not know that I could have if I had stayed. My athletic career has become more successful, I am pursuing a career path that I would not have necessarily previously considered, and I am confident and happy in unexpected ways.

And people always ask me if it was hard to adjust, hard to create a new life when I just got used to my old one. Yes. Of Course! But it was a journey that has given me a blessing. I am lucky — I have two places, two sets of people, two communities that have shaped me as a person. Two separate sequences of memories, two unique experiences to cherish. I love them both for different reasons. No matter the debt, no matter the turnover and toss up of emotions and relationships, I can’t say I wish I had done it differently. The “wrong” school wasn’t really “wrong” and the “right” school isn’t really “right” either. Each place gave me what I needed at different times, and thankful can’t even begin to describe how I feel about the path I have taken to get to where I am now.

And so — to my first home away from home, to my first non-biological family, thank you for letting me leave with grace, helping me take difficult steps toward becoming the woman I am now and thank you for loving me through my struggle.

And to the place I am now — thank you for turning my uncertainty in my decision into confidence, for providing me with a place that gives me the ability to do what I love, and providing me with people who will support me through it all.