To The Girls Who Still Feel Little Sometimes,

I would like to begin by saying I’m sorry. I would like to continue by saying you are adequate. And then, I would like to let you know that it is more than okay for you to have days where you feel like all of the years and all of the lives that you have buried under your skin are peeling away, layer by layer, leaving you exposed; these are the days you feel small, and I would like to let you know that it’s okay.

I would like you to know that I understand. I have stood in big, beautiful rooms with sculpted, perfect people and looked down at my own body wishing to look as invisible as I felt. I have been ignored when my opinions didn’t match those of the superior. I have cried in staircases and lobbies, behind bedroom doors and in small bathrooms. I have been hurt by my father. I have tried to understand. I have been hurt by boys I thought I loved, and who I thought loved me. I have tried to understand. I have stood alone, against the masses, to defend my name and my family and my culture and my heart. I have lived my own life and I have stories and lessons of so many others tucked away underneath my skin. I have felt small. I have felt my body and mind be thrown back into years where I couldn’t control my tears or my fear or my hurt—and all of a sudden I was little again, hurting, waiting for mommy to come ans fix it except now, she couldn’t. And so, this is what I know, and what I would like you to know—

When you're standing in that big, beautiful room—

Understand that the people around you—although sculpted and beautiful—are not reflections of who you need to be, or what you need to look like. You don’t need to feel like there is too much of you in the room. You are sculpted in the ways you’re meant to be. You are crafted with perfection. Look around at these people, and understand that the shape of their bodies, the color of their skin, the way they move much less awkwardly than you, it is all relative. Your life—the shape of your body, the color of your skin, the way you move awkwardly sometimes—it is relative. These are things you must accept as your own and be proud of.

When your opinions are ignored because they don’t match those of the superior—

Stand up and fight. There is no one in the world with the right to silence you. Your opinion is valid, and you should never doubt this. There will always be people ready to make your voice smaller, make it insignificant. Don’t let them win. If they don’t hear you when you speak—scream. And if they don’t hear you when you scream—fight. Keep fighting. Make them listen to you. Sometimes you will be the only voice in your corner, the only one with the ability to look at things from a different angle—embrace that. Take pride in the fact that you are one voice in a sea of so many that was brave enough to think differently. Defend your voice.

When you find yourself crying in staircases and lobbies, or behind bedroom doors and in small bathrooms—

Allow yourself to cry. Shameless and unafraid. Cry hard. Cry loud. Cry long. Do not believe in crying until there’s nothing left; there will always be something left. Sometimes this is the only way. Sometimes, in dark places on dark days, crying is the only way we won't drown underneath it all. This is okay. You are not too weak, or too sensitive, or too feminine because you cry. Remember this.

When you are hurt by your father—

Try to understand. Speak to your mother. Speak to your siblings. Speak to God. Speak to him. Speak until you need silence and then allow yourself that silence to process all that you’ve heard. Allow yourself silence to process all that you’ve felt. Know that there are all kinds of pain floating around in the world, and some of them you wont understand. Your father may be in pain. He may be struggling. He may not be. You may never know—but that isn’t what matters. What matters is that you understand his pain, his anger, his outbursts, his absence, they are not the things that stitch you together. They do not define what you’re worth. They do not set the guidelines for how you love yourself, or how you let others love you.

When you are hurt by the boys you thought you loved, and you thought loved you—

Try to understand. Speak to your mother. Speak to to your siblings. Speak to God. Speak to your friends. Do not speak to him. Do not let him whisper apologies into your eat after the fact. Do not let him change the way you choose to hurt. If he has hurt you, let it hurt. Let yourself understand that this boy may or may not have known better, but he hurt you anyways. You are entitled to this. You are allowed to love and then to hurt in the ways you choose. Don’t let the way he hurt you turn you cold. Allow yourself to heal. Forgive yourself. Forgive him. Wrap caution tape around your heart if you must, but don’t close it off completely. Understand that sometimes these are your growing pains—let them teach you.

Here is the point—

No matter which of these situations you’re in, or who you are when they come to you, they are never bigger than you. Look at your hands. They’ll never be able to cure all the hurt you would like to heal, but you can use them to try. Look at the sky. It’ll never stop being this infinite space and you will never stop being just one person looking up into it, but that doesn’t mean you are inadequate. It means you are lucky. You are here. You have galaxies floating around inside you, changing and growing and then changing again. Thank the people who hurt you. Be strong when you are afraid. Love who you are as best as possible, and then decide how you would like others to love you.

You are a girl. You are a strange, changing, pulsing thing learning what the world will take from you and what you will take back. You are not small. You are made up of all the years you were little enough to fit your worries into bathtubs—but you are not little anymore. It is okay to feel this way sometimes. And when you do, close your eyes and remember these things. It may not work. Keep trying until it does. Keep trying until you cant.

Find the strength that lets you know you have more to offer than what they could possible take from you. Embrace the power in that strength.