I was afraid but hopeful when I ended my last relationship. After getting my heart broken, it took a lot for me to even think about moving on and trying to love again. Trusting someone with your heart is scary, especially when you struggle with your own deepest emotions to begin with. I think we can all agree that your first heartbreak is the worst, but no one really talks about that damage that lingers because of it.
I’d like to think that love is all smiles and happiness, but whether it's the right or wrong type of love, it will never be “perfect”. The first month post-break up was hard; my days seemed quite average, I cried a bit and I questioned myself. I even stalked his social media every 20 minutes, because it was weird knowing that he’s out living his life as though nothing affected him. When I left the house and saw him out smiling with other girls, it hurt. In fact, it still hurts. I’m not exactly sure why that is. Maybe my young and inexperienced heart viewed him as my ideal partner?
Why is it that girls would do anything to win back the guy that hurt them the most? I don’t know, but I do know that the one thing he left me with was a false idea that every guy will hurt me the way he did.
I still struggle to trust someone new. Don’t get me wrong, every teenage girl loves attention! I just don’t always believe the words are sincere. I still love a lot, but now I fear that my feelings aren't mutual.
Getting good morning and good night texts make me so happy. Knowing that somebody cares about me and wants me for who I am brings me a confidence I didn't know I had within me.
The Aftermath: picking up your own pieces isn’t an easy thing to do.
...but being a whole person on your own is important. You can’t expect a guy to suddenly come into your life. You can't expect it to be like previous relationships never happened. You’ll still be scared, but one day, it’ll no longer hurt as much. The internal scars will just be there to prove to you how strong you are.
You'll find the right person when you stop looking for him.
Here are some important things to remember:
1) if he lets you go to sleep upset, then he isn't worth it
2) if he makes you feel like you're in competition with other girls, he isn't worth it
3) if he does't respond to your texts, he isn't worth it
4) if he's using you as a rebound, it isn't worth it
5) if he makes you feel more sad than happy, he isn't worth it
6) and if he makes you feel any less special than you are, (you guessed it!), HE ISN'T WORTH IT
Don't question why you weren't good enough, because I can assure you that you were. It's his fault he couldn't handle all that you had to offer.
P.S: Someday I will stop writing about the one’s that left and feel complete with the ones that stayed. I hope you’ll do the same.
