I can’t count how many times I have felt uncomfortable and ugly in a clothing store. I’ve had to rush out of stores to hide my tears from the salespeople, and I’ve given up trying to find cute clothes too many times. So, when I saw you leave that dressing room in tears, I knew I had to talk to you. The way us girls look at our bodies can affect every part of our lives. It can make a shopping trip with our friends stressful and terrible. It can affect the way we interact with those around us. It can also affect our relationship with food, which is a very important one.

So, here’s why I think our shopping experiences can be so negative: girls of all shapes and sizes go into stores and try to fit into the size they think they should be in. A sixteen-year-old girl with an extremely high metabolism and very little “meat on her bones” tries to fit into a small or medium top because her friends all wear those sizes. She soon realizes that she needs and extra-small, or the kid’s section. The waterworks begin.

In the same store, one dressing room over, there is an eighteen-year-old high school senior. She is shopping for a bathing suit to wear to the lake for Senior skip day. She used to be a size 6, but after a stressful few years, she is now a size 14. All of her friends will be wearing revealing bikinis, but she hates the idea of revealing her stomach or legs. The store offers her two options.

1. To go to the women’s section and get a bathing suit that fits her well and makes her feel comfortable. The only bad thing about this option is that the women’s section doesn’t always have very cute bathing suits.

2. To wear a bikini in a size large that is too tight and too revealing.

She imagines having to take her extra-large size bathing suit up to the counter, puts all her selections back, and leaves with a lower self-esteem and no bathing suit.

So to girl in the dressing room, I don’t know if your situation was similar to one of these. I don’t know if you were just trying to find an outfit for a special occasion, or shopping with your friends. I do know that girls usually want what they don’t have. A larger girl wants to be smaller. A smaller girl wants more curves. A taller girl wants to be able to find jeans that are long enough. Shorter girls want to be able to buy floor-length dresses.

I want something too. I want the dressing rooms to be tear-free and stress-free. I want girls to go into a store, find an outfit that fits and be happy with the way they look. If I could I would snap my fingers to make this happen. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. Building up your self-esteem and realizing your self-worth takes time. It’s a journey that I have been on for a long time, and it’s one I’m sure you are on too. I used to dread the dressing room, and some days I still do. But there are ways to overcome the “dressing room tears.” Instead of worrying about fitting into the size you think you should be wearing, just strive to be healthy and happy in your own body. That way when you find an outfit and look in the dressing room mirror, crying will be the last think on your mind.

Stay strong, girls. Shop with confidence.