Dear friend(s),
We haven't spoken in what feels like forever...that sucks. I know for some of us it was necessary to have the space, but for others we merely drifted apart...
-This is a different type of loss, folks. Sadly, it often follows after a physical loss of a loved one. When we lose our friends in a face-to-face loss, everything hurts 10000000x more. And folks, you're not going to like what I'm going to say: it is probably because we are unable to communicate what we may have needed and they probably didn't know what to do to help. And that's okay. THAT IS HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO (non-yelling tone, my loves). No one is supposed to know how to handle death. I'm serious! Especially people our age, us youngsters -
...I have missed you so much. I have missed your hugs that always helped me feel better. I miss our adventures. I miss our friendship, but I know that it will never be the same if we were to start speaking to each other again. For the drifted ones, I miss feeling like I really can call you. I miss actually knowing that we are friends, and not just another Facebook friend, Instagram follower or just another number in our cell phones...
- I think it's okay if we have space between our friendships for a while during grieving (which we all know never really ends). When a loved one leaves the earth, we need to deal with this new feeling of loneliness and hopelessness. Well, actually, we have to deal with a ton of emotions and let's be honest, that is a lot for another person to deal with as well. They are waaaay more than likely mourning the same loss as you. I know with the friends I am writing to sure are -
...I want to thank you. You were with me holding my hand. You have been with me in my thoughts. Every. Day. There is always something that makes me think of you. Christmas, the perfect Snapchat pose, seeing anything cheetah print. You all made me laugh uncontrollably. You held me. You encouraged me to pursue my dreams. You believed in me. You loved me...
- Take the time you need to move on from this loss, folks. Seriously, do it. Both sides of the relationship need to: you & friend(s). They are a blessing. They are still here. It may take time to know that they are still here for you, but I think we just have to trust ourselves, our hearts. Trust is hard, I know -
...I know if we reconnect, barely anything will be the same between us. There will be a piece of trust missing. There will be the fear that there will distance again. There might be some hesitation in reaching out to see if you want to grab a vanilla chai or a smoothie. But hopefully, things can get better, maybe even a little more comfortable. Maybe we can watch a movie sometime? Or a musical?...
...I am going to be honest. I am so scared to reach out. I am so scared to ask if you want to see me and just say, "I'm so sorry. I still love you (and repeat like, 30x)" I don't want things to go back to normal. I want to start a little fresh. I want to say right here that I have moved on. I have forgiven and I hope you have too, at least a little...
...I am sorry. I still love you. I want my friends back. I hope you want me back too.
- When you are ready, take the first step. Life goes on, right? Why not let it go on in forgiveness and friendship.
Much love this week <3
