Dear Former Best Friend,
It’s been over a year since we were last friends, but I still sometimes think about our friendship and my actions that led up to its finale. I sometimes lie awake and think about how stupid I was and wish things could just go back to how it was.
We were best friends. We hadn’t known each other for that long, but I still considered you my best friend. We talked every day, all day, and told each other everything. We didn’t see each other that much, but I knew I could always count on you, and you knew you could always count on me. When we got together we laughed for hours and always had a good time. We talked about the summer we were going to have together, hanging out every day and going on crazy adventures. To be honest, today I don’t know if I meant as much to you as you did to me, but I know I would’ve done anything for you and always would’ve been by your side.
Leading up to our blowout I let myself get too clingy and jealous, and for that I’m sorry. Everyone is entitled to have their own life, and I should’ve let you have yours. I was just so hurt and mad that I was being left out that I confronted you and attacked you when I shouldn’t have. There were other circumstances in my life going on at the same time, and although that is no excuse, it made me feel isolated and lonely and bled into our fight. I let other people get involved which I never should have. It was our fight and just ours, and letting someone else intrude to defend me was the tipping point for you. I understand now how furious you must’ve been, that I had shared everything about our fight with someone you didn’t even know and then was childish enough to let her fight for me.
People have told me to forget about it. That you were the one who lied and threw our friendship down the drain, or that you and I were equally responsible, but honestly I don’t blame you at all. I think about the way I acted all the time and I hate myself for what I did. If I could have a do-over I would take it in a heartbeat.
I thought that after the initial blow-up, we would make-up. Girls are always fighting and bickering, so this time would be no different, right? Wrong. You never texted me. I waited all summer for the text I thought would come from you, but it never did. I sent a text to you months later, and you sent a quick reply with a "thanks." Not exactly the enthusiastic “OMG I’m so sorry too!” text I was almost sure was going to come.
It took me awhile to accept that our friendship was really over. I hoped for a while that we could mend things and become friends again, but I know now that it will never happen. It is sad how you once knew everything about my life and we talked every day, and now we have gone many months without speaking. I have made new friends and become closer with others, and I know you have too. I hope you have found someone you can count on and support you just like I have because you deserve it. If you ever need anything from me, don’t hesitate to contact me. Although we are not friends anymore, I would still do anything for you.
If there is one thing that I got out of our friendship and its ending, it was change. I have grown so much as a person and as a friend since we ended our friendship. I have much better self-esteem and I do not take things as personally anymore. I am now smarter and I think before I freak out on my friends. Some people have told me that I should hate you, but I don’t. I hope you are doing well and I wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Your Former Best Friend
