To The Controlling Ex-Boyfriend Who Taught Me That I Deserve Better

To The Controlling Ex-Boyfriend Who Taught Me That I Deserve Better

You told me that I wasn't enough. But you were wrong.
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To my controlling ex-boyfriend:

I'm beyond happy with the guy that I am utterly and completely in love with, and I must thank you for that. Without the time that we were together, I wouldn't have learned this valuable lesson: I deserve better. I deserve someone who cares about me and my future. I deserve someone who cares about where I'm going in life. I deserve someone who looks at me like I'm the most beautiful person they've ever met. I deserve so much better than you.

You were controlling. I wasn't allowed to wear leggings or sweatpants anywhere because you told me that they draw too much attention from boys. You weren't comfortable with me wearing them. I wasn't allowed to go to Young Life, a Christian-based youth group that middle schools, high schools, and colleges across the country offer to students. You told me that you didn't like Young Life. I'll spare why you thought I shouldn't go, but you told me if I did, that you would leave me. I wasn't allowed to be friends with my two closest friends because they were guys. One of those is my cousin!

You told me that because we were long distance, you wanted to FaceTime a lot. I wasn't allowed to do anything without having my phone by me, being on FaceTime with you, or texting you. That included dinner with my family, out with my friends, doing homework, watching Netflix, sleeping, doing my hair and makeup in the morning. We always had to be on the phone because "we're long distance and you had to talk to me all the time."

The worst thing that you did was teach my brother how to be like you. You told him that if he was ever talking to a girl on the phone and wanted to get his way, he should hang up and ignore her until she gave in. You always did that. I remember on Valentine's Day, you came into town to stay with your mom and because you were in, I had to see you. We couldn't wait until the next day when the roads were cleared. I had to have my mom drive me in a snow storm and dangerous driving conditions because "you came in for this." If you didn't get your way, you weren't happy. I tried to leave many times because I wasn't happy with you or how I was being treated. You told me you would kill yourself.

When we broke up, it was because I caught you in a dozen lies. You said you had a driver's license. You hadn't even taken the test yet. You said you had a truck. You didn't have a driver's license, let alone a vehicle. You said you had a job. I don't know where you were going all those days you had to "work," but it wasn't to work. You said you played guitar, and my dad let you borrow his electric guitar. Your mom told my parents that you had never even picked up a guitar in your life. You said you were playing guitar for a class at school or at some talent show for your school, and when I asked you to play for me you never would. Now I know why.

You went on Twitter the day after we broke up and tweeted slurs about me and about how you were happy to have left me. You tweeted me and told me that you had been cheating on me for weeks. You put me down and said horrible things about me that day. You told me how much you hated me and how you shouldn't have stayed with me for the ten months that you did. You told me how horrible of a person I was.

All I ever did was care for you unconditionally and want to stand by you no matter what you put me through. I tried to make excuses for you. I made excuses for how you treated me. I did everything in my power to make you happy and give you everything that you needed.

But, still, I must thank you.

Because if I hadn't gone through the ten months of our relationship, I never would have realized exactly how I should and deserve to be treated.

I'm free to love and be loved.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

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You will never have to chase what is meant to stay.

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You miss him. You miss the hugs, the laughs, the inside jokes. You miss hearing his voice over phone calls, you miss the late night drives, you miss the fun adventures. You miss your best friend.

The guy that you loved so much, that you once planned a future with, that you haven't had to imagine life without in so long, is suddenly gone. No explanation will make it easier, or less confusing, or less unfair.

You're probably thinking that you'll never move on. You're thinking that this pain you're feeling will stay with you forever. You think that you lost the love of your life, because how could a bond so strong not be meant to last forever?

Leaving the familiar is terrifying. It is so easy to believe that this was the greatest love you will ever experience. You're afraid to leave behind the memories. You don't want to start over, because no relationship you have with anyone else will ever be the same. Nobody is him, and nobody will ever be him. Scary, isn't it? Actually, no. This is the greatest truth that you can admit to yourself right now. Nobody will ever be him.

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Love is not always meant to last forever. Loving someone does not bind you to each other for eternity. It's unfair, and it feels impossible to let a love go. Especially when you were certain you would never have to. You fear that he was "the one that got away". I promise you, this is so far from true. "The one" would not leave. He would choose to love you even through the rough times, instead of walking away. Saying someone is "the one that got away" is a counterintuitive statement, and frankly it's a load of BS. Yeah, sure, he got away, but would "the one" really put you through endless amounts of pain and suffering? Or would "the one" treat you with respect and love you the way you deserve?

I've been in this same situation, fearing that my ex is the person that I am supposed to be with and that I let him get away. But truthfully, I didn't let him get away. He chose to leave all on his own. And that by itself should be a sign that he really is NOT "the one". If you have to chase and beg and bargain with someone for them to be in your life, odds are they're not meant to be there anyway.

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