To The Controlling Ex-Boyfriend Who Taught Me That I Deserve Better

To The Controlling Ex-Boyfriend Who Taught Me That I Deserve Better

You told me that I wasn't enough. But you were wrong.
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To my controlling ex-boyfriend:

I'm beyond happy with the guy that I am utterly and completely in love with, and I must thank you for that. Without the time that we were together, I wouldn't have learned this valuable lesson: I deserve better. I deserve someone who cares about me and my future. I deserve someone who cares about where I'm going in life. I deserve someone who looks at me like I'm the most beautiful person they've ever met. I deserve so much better than you.

You were controlling. I wasn't allowed to wear leggings or sweatpants anywhere because you told me that they draw too much attention from boys. You weren't comfortable with me wearing them. I wasn't allowed to go to Young Life, a Christian-based youth group that middle schools, high schools, and colleges across the country offer to students. You told me that you didn't like Young Life. I'll spare why you thought I shouldn't go, but you told me if I did, that you would leave me. I wasn't allowed to be friends with my two closest friends because they were guys. One of those is my cousin!

You told me that because we were long distance, you wanted to FaceTime a lot. I wasn't allowed to do anything without having my phone by me, being on FaceTime with you, or texting you. That included dinner with my family, out with my friends, doing homework, watching Netflix, sleeping, doing my hair and makeup in the morning. We always had to be on the phone because "we're long distance and you had to talk to me all the time."

The worst thing that you did was teach my brother how to be like you. You told him that if he was ever talking to a girl on the phone and wanted to get his way, he should hang up and ignore her until she gave in. You always did that. I remember on Valentine's Day, you came into town to stay with your mom and because you were in, I had to see you. We couldn't wait until the next day when the roads were cleared. I had to have my mom drive me in a snow storm and dangerous driving conditions because "you came in for this." If you didn't get your way, you weren't happy. I tried to leave many times because I wasn't happy with you or how I was being treated. You told me you would kill yourself.

When we broke up, it was because I caught you in a dozen lies. You said you had a driver's license. You hadn't even taken the test yet. You said you had a truck. You didn't have a driver's license, let alone a vehicle. You said you had a job. I don't know where you were going all those days you had to "work," but it wasn't to work. You said you played guitar, and my dad let you borrow his electric guitar. Your mom told my parents that you had never even picked up a guitar in your life. You said you were playing guitar for a class at school or at some talent show for your school, and when I asked you to play for me you never would. Now I know why.

You went on Twitter the day after we broke up and tweeted slurs about me and about how you were happy to have left me. You tweeted me and told me that you had been cheating on me for weeks. You put me down and said horrible things about me that day. You told me how much you hated me and how you shouldn't have stayed with me for the ten months that you did. You told me how horrible of a person I was.

All I ever did was care for you unconditionally and want to stand by you no matter what you put me through. I tried to make excuses for you. I made excuses for how you treated me. I did everything in my power to make you happy and give you everything that you needed.

But, still, I must thank you.

Because if I hadn't gone through the ten months of our relationship, I never would have realized exactly how I should and deserve to be treated.

I'm free to love and be loved.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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To The Guy Who Fooled Me Twice, Karma Took Care Of You

But shame on me.

JordynL
JordynL
3899
views

I'll give it to you. The first time around was great. We had fun. We laughed. In the moment, it was great. You introduced me to what is now my favorite TV show, even though now I can only watch it when it comes on Adult Swim instead of having it readily available on Netflix. You actually enjoyed Hawaiian pizza so we practically lived on that and Dr. Pepper. We'd both go to work and come right back to each other at the end of the day, at least when I made arrangements to stay the night instead of spending time with my family like I honestly should've been. Although in hindsight, I should've ran.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. We were both so happy and we loved spending time with each other. The fire in your hair matched the fire in my soul and it worked. Unfortunately, I made the decision to call it off. I had to go back to school in another town because summer break doesn't last forever. Realistically, it wouldn't have worked. Even with the short hour and a half distance, "long distance" wasn't a thing for either of us. So I called it off and we came to a civil agreement. If we run into each other again in the future, we would try. But that was foolish. I should've ran and never turned back.

Then three months later, I was deep in school work; finishing essays in time for football games, working all the time- the cliche' life of a college student. Yet you felt the need to contact me out of nowhere. Three months after the fact. But I was fine. I had moved on, attachment was gone (at least I thought it was), and I was constantly with friends, engaging in whatever shenanigans we could come up with. But you. You contacted me. You said you missed me and you wanted me in your life. BUT you had met someone and y'all were dating.

-

Can the audience guess what came next? Yes, an invitation to the "hottest" threesome. Hard pass. I don't share.

-

Nearly a year went by after this conversation. My behavior hadn't changed. School, friends, football games, and now add Paddle People in the mix. Then one night during our traditional camp out before a game, I get a text from an unknown number. Normally I ignore but I had a weird feeling. But guess who? You. Apparently you had found out that she had been cheating on you with y'all's roommate. Disgusting, but okay. The relationship was over and you were confiding in me. Okay. I'm awesome at this. I had zero feeling but I still felt bad because stuff like this sucks.

Apparently somewhere along the lines, you had gotten reattached to me. Also along that line, I got used to talking to you on a daily basis again and got attached as well. We had agreed to meet up and hang out. Sure. What's wrong with meeting up with a friend? BUT you wanted me to meet your mom and stepdad. I should've ran.

Obviously I was an idiot. I met them, I loved them, they loved me, and we all had a great time. The literal closet full of liquor that your mother opened was honestly pretty enticing. From that night on, we hung out more and things seemed almost like they were. Aside from your depressing heartbreak and being terrified to start something new with me, even though you said you wanted to. I should've known better because I was sick of wasting time, but if I'm awesome at anything, it's being supportive. But I should've ran.

Eventually we started up again. AND I got along with your younger brother. Remember all the laughs we all shared? At least until you found out that one of the guys your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with was your younger brother. That, among other reasons, was why you made your mom kick him out of the house. But now he's in the Air Force making a better life for himself. Oddly enough, he's been really successful ever since he got separated from you and your family. Who would've thought? Oh yeah, me. Part of the reason you kicked him out was, of course, the disgust that your own brother betrayed you, but also because you were terrified that he would do the same thing with me. What you didn't know was that SHE initiated the relationship with your brother, not the other way around. But you either don't know that or don't want to accept it. Either way, I'm not that kind of person.

The kicker is when I found that you were in contact with her. To get your stuff back, I get it. BUT when I saw the messages of y'all wanting to hook up and do all these things while I was at work? Oh no. I bet you'll recall I confronted you about that and how you claimed you didn't owe me anything because we weren't actually together. True, but YOU wanted trust with us. Yet you couldn't be trustworthy and got defensive, not because we weren't fully committed, but because you got caught.

Big surprise, I went to work one day. We made plans to get dinner after I got off work and changed. I called you to let you know I was on my way, but SHE answered the phone. While y'all were consummating your "born again" relationship, I might add. Which is kinda funny and insulting to you. But my heart dropped. I sped to your place, and my fears were obviously correct. Her car was there. But the kicker? My suitcase was thrown in the driveway. Not even containing all my belongings. Fast forwarding through the retrieval of my belongings, communicating with your dirty, patronizing, personal skank through a garage door ORDERING her to get the rest, and you not bringing them to me directly, but instead leaving them on the porch so I couldn't confront you- I learned that you were nothing but a spineless coward.

I left. I went back to work because it was the first place I could think of that was the closest. I ran into the arms of someone that I once considered my best friend; my other half, even though we were going through our own rough patch and were barely speaking. But at the time he was the only one that knew about you in your entirety, so of course I ran to him. And I will thank him relentlessly for that AND for letting me by booze, only for me to drive to another friend's house so I could crash there and let me spew out my feelings and regrets. Not only with you, but with every potential relationship decision I've ever made. I will always thank that friend for that till the day I die. Those two guys put me back together that night.

In that moment, you had broke me. But now I realize that I should've ran. I should've ignored that unknown text. I should've let the first round be the only round because I came out on top.

You know what makes me feel better though? And that makes me kind of a shitty person? I know she cheated on you again. I know for a fact. Because a friend of mine showed me a picture of a girl he hooked up with recently. Within the last month to be exact. And guess who? Your girl. The ultimate kicker is that, unfortunately he has an STD now. He's treating it, but it's undetermined of when he got it. I'm willing to bet a lot of money that he got it from your girl though, considering we both know she opens her legs for basically anyone. Whether she knows about it is a mystery. Knowing how many guys she's still cheating on you with is a mystery. But karma is a dirty bitch and she got you.

You screwed me over, so enjoy screwing your STD ridden girlfriend. Girls don't show symptoms for a while, so that should be fun for you; considering you like the RAW feeling. So congratulations. The feeling of her burning bush matches the fire in your hair.

JordynL
JordynL

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