For as far back as I can remember, I can recall bad things happening to me and in my life. But, I can also recall sitting in that same church pew every Sunday with my grandmother and great grandmother. I was raised in church. Literally. My grandmother and great-grandmother joined my hometown church January 1st of 2000. I wasn’t even two years old at the time. I recall being little and doing the penny march, singing on stage every Sunday even though I was barely old enough to talk, and the whole congregation singing “Jesus Loves Me” every Sunday just because it was my favorite. I was saved and baptized at the age of 12. Then, after feeling as if I had been failing as a Christian for several years, I rededicated my life to Christ at the age of 16 and was rebaptized. To this day, church is still my favorite part of every week. But, one thing that I have learned is that church isn’t what being a Christian is about. And although I am basically at church every time the doors are open, I know every word to every modern day worship song and every old hymn, and I can pray in front of a crowd or in the quietness of my room alone, I have also learned that these things don’t guarantee a life without pain and struggle and confusion and that some days as a Christian, you will feel like giving up.
Bad things happen in life. When I was younger, my parents divorced. I’ve seen family members destruct their lives, and struggle to build it back up. I’ve lost family members that I told myself I wouldn’t be able to live without. I’ve been depressed. Like diagnosed by a doctor and on medication depressed. Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee that things will always be good. During these bad times, I was so quick to point my finger at God and wonder why He was doing these things to me. But never once did I pray to him thanking Him for the bad situations, or lift my hands and praise Him. But on the flipside, I have also experienced good things in life. I’ve had friends leave and then come back. I watched certain family members whom I thought I had lost come back and turn their lives completely around. I’ve been surrounded by loving family and friends. I graduated High School with Honors got accepted into my dream college (all expenses paid) and so much more. Although these are technically worldly things, they are blessings from God. But, during these good times, I took them for what they were: worldly. I hardly ever thanked God for them or praised Him for blessing me. God always deserves our praise, through good times and bad.
To the Christians that feel like God has left you, I understand. I find myself in that same exact position far too many times. But, I also find myself praying for the first time in weeks. I find my Bible sitting closed with a thin layer of dust sitting on top on my nightstand by my bed. I find my Pandora worship stations at the bottom of my “Recently Listened To” list. I find myself thinking and saying things that don’t show Christ in me. Sometimes, I focus a little too much on worldly things. Especially being in college, my focus tends to turn towards my grades, my career path, what I can do with my life to be successful and make a lot of money, and my future family. I find myself wondering why things aren’t going the way I want them to. I get confused and angry when I don’t get what I want, even though it might not be what I need. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, and like I am kind of just wandering around without a purpose. In these times I start to realize that it’s not God, it’s just me.
And then sometimes I get into the mentality that maybe it’s not me, it’s God. I find myself wondering where God is. When things get hard, or I’m confused, or I need something, I question God. Sometimes I think that the fact that I have grown up in church, I can sing the songs and pray the prayers, I am doing great as a Christian. As a Christian, we tend to think that hey, we’re Christians so God has to bless us. And when, things aren’t going good, or we don’t get what we want, or we become confused we point our fingers at God, question Him and become angry. That’s when the dusty Bible, the unlistened to Pandora stations and the fact that I haven’t prayed in weeks comes into play.
As a Christian, there will be times you feel like God is 1,000 miles away, or wonder if He is even there. But let me tell you: God doesn’t move. We move. He’s the same God He was thousands of years ago, as He is today and He will be tomorrow. In these times, the times of feeling so distant from our Father, the times of wondering where God is, the times of feeling like a failure as a Christian, go dust off your Bible and open it up. Remember what your knees are for and pray. Turn on the worship music and lift your hands to Heaven. Forget the world for a few moments. God tells us that being a Christian will not be easy. We will be faced with trials and temptations of the world. We will get distracted and take our eyes off of Him. The world will consume you if you’re not careful. Jesus knows what it is like. He, too, faced temptation. But, during those moments of weakness, happiness, confusion, vulnerability, joy, sadness, anger, temptation, worldly pleasures and doubt, know that God is still there. God is always there. He has never left you, and He never will leave you.
So, to the Christians who are wondering where God is when He feels so far away: He’s where He has always been. In your unopened Bible, and your unlistened to worship songs. You will find him on your knees or with your hands lifted high. He will always be there, sometimes you just have to reach out to Him first.
“...for He Himself has said ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you’.” Hebrews 13:5
