To The Boys Who Bullied Me In Middle School
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

To The Boys Who Bullied Me In Middle School

You are not what you did to me.

41
To The Boys Who Bullied Me In Middle School
Charlie Foster

You may not remember me. But I remember you.

I found one of you on Facebook the other day. I looked through your profile, because you were the only one whose name I could remember. Part of me is glad for that.

You seemed happy in all of your pictures. You were smiling with your friends, laughing on a mountaintop somewhere. I want you to know that I'm happy for you. If I could sit down with you, and the other boy who used to sit beside you in our 6th grade math class while you mocked me until I had to pretend I wasn't crying in the hallway, I would want you to know this:

I want you to know what your actions did to me. It struck me while I scrolled through your Facebook, that the only reason I was doing this, checking in on your life almost 10 years since that 6th grade math class, was because of what you did. Even if I can't remember your friend's name, I will always remember both of your faces, as they sneered from the seats behind me and whispered the worst names your young minds could think of. Sometimes you roped other students in the class into your little attacks, but you two were the ringmasters. So here I was, so many years later, still invested in your memory enough to find you on Facebook and see how your life was going. But deep down, I know I didn't do that because I wanted to make sure that you were happy. Honestly, I'm not quite sure what I hoped to get out of that venture. But I know there was a small part of me, a part that I am ashamed of, that secretly hoped to see you unhappy. That part of me hoped to see you suffering like you made me suffer. But I know that was wrong, and I'm sorry. I don't want the pain you caused me to come back around to you. And I don't want to let what you did to me turn my heart to stone.

But I want you to know that, whether you wish you could take it back or not, you changed me. I am still trying to separate the memory of you from what you did to me. But I haven't been able to do that yet. Just like I can't forget how, when we were in high school, my best friend almost dated you. And I still remember how unsafe that made me feel. Because how could I tell her that the boy who treated her so kindly, the boy she told me about often, was the one who made my life a living hell for a year in middle school.

Even as I write this, I am struck by how petty I sound. It was 10 years ago--why am I still hung up on this? But I know the answer to that question.

I still remember you and what you did to me, because words have power. The cruel things you did and said to me all those years ago were not meaningless. Once you say something, you cannot take it back. Your actions have consequences. I am proof of this.

I don't want to blame you for what became of me the years that followed that math class. But I know that even into high school, even still now, as a college student, I am confronted often by the sentiments you and others like you instilled in me all those years ago--that I'm worthless, that the people around me would do anything to be free of the burden of my presence, and that there is something wrong with me. These thoughts have followed me for my entire life, and I battle them daily.

I can't say I know why you did it. I know we are all broken people in a broken world, but I still cannot comprehend what exactly it was about me that made me your target. Sometimes I think it might just have been the fact that I was the new girl in town, the weird girl, the quiet girl who was bad at math. I don't know. But it doesn't matter.

Sometimes I wonder what you would do if you had a young daughter, and one day she came to you crying (unlike how I never told my parents of what you did to me until years later) about what the boys in her class were saying to her. I wonder how you would react. I wonder if you would remember me then. But I don't wish that on you, or anyone you may care about, or anyone at all.

I want you to know how much you hurt me. But I also want you to know, more than anything else, that I forgive you.

I forgive you, and your friend whose name I can't remember, and anyone else who joined you in your endeavors. I forgive you, because I don't want to have to think of the hateful things you said to me anymore. I want to be free of any spite that you might have planted in my heart all those years ago. I want to see your smiling picture on Facebook and truly be happy for you, without any lingering fog of malice floating in the back of my mind from that 6th grade math class. I want you to be happy. Not because you deserve it, but because I know that forgiveness is the key to healing. I want you to be free of the bitterness that first caused you to abuse me. And I want any young girl who may be suffering in silence like I did to know that it will not last forever, and that they lose no value based on the words of callous young boys.

But to those callous young boys, who are not young anymore, I want to say this: you are not what you did to me. Just like I am not what you made me feel. We are both better than who we were then.

I know you may never read this. And you may not ever remember me, but I remember you. And I hope that you're doing well.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

How Much Of A Coffee Snob You Are, Based On Where You Live

Your state may determine how picky you are about your coffee.

259593

When it comes to coffee, everyone has different criteria for what goes into their "perfect cup." Some caffeine lovers, though, are extra particular when it comes to their beloved beverage. One survey found that the state you're from (or the one you live in now) may play a part in determining how much of a coffee snob you actually are.

LiveShopper Sassie, the company behind this Coffee Project survey, received input from 1,000 coffee drinkers via their mobile app, PrestoShopper, to ask various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
SAMARA

Before launching cult-favorite lifestyle brand SAMARA, Founder and CEO Salima Visram founded The Soular Backpack — an initiative that provides solar-charged backpacks to children from her home of East Africa. The backpack charges a light so that children can do their homework without the damaging and detrimental effects of kerosene.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Where To Find The Best Coffee Drinks In America, According To A Survey

Here's the coffee shop where you should get your morning brew.

432249

Coffee, for billions of people, is one of the only things that can get us out of bed (after hitting snooze a time or two), especially in 2020. Because, if we're being honest, is there anything that beats a quality cup of coffee on those mornings when all we wanted to do is roll over and go back to sleep? The answer is no. And if you're headed to a coffee shop to pick up your caffeinated beverage, you don't want to sleep on the best coffee drinks in America.

According to LiveShopper Sassie's Coffee Project survey, when it comes to chain coffee shops, there are definitely preferred spots you'll want to hit up for your go-to order — whether you order the classic, frozen, or flavored coffee, an espresso, tea, or other. To figure out the hot spots, 1,000 coffee drinkers across the United States took to LiveShopper's mobile app, PrestoShopper, to answer various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Odyssey's 2020 Presidential Election Guide For The Undecided Voter

Donald Trump or Joe Biden? The country will decide on November 3 — but if you haven't decided yet, keep reading.

7550

With just days left until Election Day 2020, millions of Americans have already voted in a historic early voting turnout. But if you're waiting until Election Day to cast your vote and haven't decided who will get your vote, this is the guide for you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

How To Write About The 2020 Election

If you're a first-time voter or voting by mail for the first time, we want to hear your story.

152259

The general election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, will decide not only the next president of the United States but also which political party controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. Young and first-time voters will play a crucial part in determining the result.

Keep Reading... Show less
Dark Castle Entertainment

Zodiac signs make it VERY easy to predict a personality trait that each person would have in certain situations. Now that it's Halloween time, let's take a look at what each zodiac sign would be in a horror movie, shall we?

Keep Reading... Show less
Tips

Articles To Write If You're All About Saving More Money, And Waking Up A Little Bit Earlier

Get your day started right — and keep that budget tight.

253004

For all the young professionals, parents, and students out there who've been working, learning, or even teaching remote — 2020 has likely been the longest year of your life. If you didn't know (sorry), we've been locked down for over 200 days now, and chances are, you are ready for it to be OVER.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

My Nana Was Just Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer, And I Have No Idea How To Cope With It

One of my biggest influences — one of the few people I could talk to about anything — is sick now.

2388

How do you go from having a nice family Halloween party to the next week being destroyed by news from a doctor? How do you look your loved one in the eyes that previously were not filled with sickness, just to look at them now and only see their disease?

Keep Reading... Show less
HBO

Three-time Emmy winning show, "Euphoria," is a high school drama that revolves around the melodramatic life of drug addict Rue Bennet, portrayed by Zendaya Coleman.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

5 Ways To Cope With Election Day Anxiety

The 2020 presidential election is less than a week away, and if that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will.

780

We all know that this year's election will be different in more ways than we can count. Insert quote about unprecedented times here 🙂.

For those of us with anxious tendencies, this election will be more stressful than most, and I think a lot of people will agree when I say that I'm dreading election day. The constant poll-checking, projections from analysts, and 24/7 news coverage will be enough to have any sane person ripping their hair out.

Keep Reading... Show less

Even though Domestic Violence Awareness Month is coming to an end, it is so important to remain alert and aware of exactly what domestic violence is, who can be affected by domestic violence (hint: everyone), how to get help if you need it, and even how to be the best support system possible if you know any survivors.

So, before you close out October, here's a brief run-through of what you need to know about domestic violence, whether you're going through it, survived it, or know someone who has.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

9 Vulnerable Stories That Were Shared This World Mental Health Day

Everyone has a mental health experience. These creators bravely shared their stories with us.

8590

Everyone has a mental health story. Whether it's a story that's shared publicly or privately, it's something that has the ability to make a big impact in someone's life. For many, these mental health stories are ongoing, ever-changing in how they play a part in an individual's life.

Odyssey believes in the community that can be formed when these stories are shared. As October 10 was World Mental Health Day, many of our creators took the opportunity to speak out about their personal struggles with mental illnesses.

Keep Reading... Show less
Fox Atomic

Halloween is days away and that means that November is basically here, aka the holiday season. I love Halloween movies, preferably the ones that are more cute or funny than innately scary.

If October has been a crazy busy month for you, you may have forgotten to watch some of your favorite Halloween movies, but you still have time! This week I know I have been bingeing my favorites, and you need to add some of these to your list if you need to get in the last minute Halloween spooky spirit.

Keep Reading... Show less
ABC

Don't get me wrong, we definitely saw some red flags from Clare in episodes one and two of this season of "The Bachelorette," but after (spoiler alert) Yosef got sent home last night, she's quickly become the villain of her own season, waving some pretty bright red flags we can no longer ignore.

To get more specific, last night Chris Harrison told the guys they'd all be getting dates after Clare canceled the cocktail party following the fight with Yosef (please let this be the last time I have to think about this a**hole). Unfortunately for the men, Clare also ended up completely ditching the first group date she promised them. Yes, that's right, she stood up the men who were supposed to have a fun day with her and showed up hours later without an apology (or a reason).

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments