To the boy who I thought was the one,

Every person has that one love that they think will last forever. It could be a friendship of someone you’ve known since you were 5 or the star football player who picked you up in his nice truck and told you he loved you. No matter who it is, you don’t ever imagine them leaving, and then they do. You have no idea why, and you wonder if it was your fault. I know this pain like the back of my hand. I fell in love with a boy who told me I was pretty, he cooked for me, held me while I cried, and made me feel like I was the most amazing person in the world. Love is tricky that way though, through all of the fun times and laughs, there is that struggle of what if. What if he is with someone else, what if he doesn’t feel the same way? Someone always loves someone more in a relationship from my experience. In every relationship I’ve been in though, it always seems to be me who loves more, who cares more, I would bend over backwards for the person I loved if it meant I could see them smile.

I know everything ended and we no longer talk, and that’s okay. You’re happy and I am trying to be happy as well. I sit here on a Tuesday afternoon trying to find the words to say that describe our relationship, how we interacted and why we didn’t work out. I respect you more than anyone I’ve ever met. You always had a passion and a drive for everything you do and you don’t let anything stop you from accomplishing your goal. We both struggled in our relationship, finding the perfect balance of togetherness and alone time. I am just as at fault as you. I never truly could understand why things ended the way they did, and I’ve tried to reach out to you, but nothing seems to work. It’s funny to think that at one moment, we were best friends, we could tell each other everything, and now I have anxiety every time there may be a situation where you might be there. That’s never how I imagined our relationship ending up.

You seem like you’ve moved on, and I have too, and if you ever called me at 2AM, needing a ride home or a place to sleep or a shoulder to cry on, I would be there in a heartbeat because that is who I am. I will always be there if you need me, even though you weren’t there when I needed you. I will always put others before myself, especially you.

If there was anything I could ask of you, it is closure. Moving on has been hard, and I think it is because there was no closure when it ended. I know it may never happen, but being able to sit down and clear things up and be able to support each other even if we aren’t together would be something that I wish could happen. I am a great wingwoman and could help you find your dream girl if you ever wanted me to, but being able to wave at you on campus and not be weird about it would be amazing. You were a great friend, dance partner, and boyfriend, but our relationship was not meant to last and that is okay. You will find your perfect woman who loves food and all the sports you love and will give you everything I couldn’t. You made me feel like everything was right in the world, but you are no longer my world. I will always love you but you are not the one for me. I will find my right one and you will too.

With so much love,