To The Boy Who Never Told Me He Loved Me

Dear boy who never told me he loved me,

Things could have been so different.

I wish I had known how you felt last year. I wish I knew that the endless hours spent together were real and that we were not just passing the time. I think about the endless number of times we just sat there, watching YouTube videos and laughing or the long drives listening to music, singing along with every song.

I knew then, that there was something between us.

Was it best friendship or was it something more? That I was unsure of. I wish I had known then that what I felt was something real and I was not making it up in my head.

It could have been my fault for not realizing it. I should have known that the guy who lets you cry on his shoulder and doesn't hate you for the mascara stains is probably into you. The reason I didn't think it was real goes back to the other girls. You always mentioned the other girls that were interested in you. How was I to know that you didn't do the same things with them?

But this was months ago. We have both moved on with our lives and have put distance between us. It was not an easy summer without you. I missed my best friend. I realized that you truly were my best friend and I felt that I lost you as we left our little college in the mountains for the summer.

You were a boy then. You have grown so much since then, we both have.

I respect that immensely. You have become a man and the truth has come out. There was something between us and we both let it slip away. Now, what is left?

This summer put distance between us, but now we are back to our small college where we cannot avoid each other. I'm glad that we reconnected, but I can't help but remember how different it was then. All summer I tried to understand what I did wrong last year. I now know that we really didn't do anything wrong except communicate. We should have expressed how we felt instead of pushing each other away.

I'll admit it. I was mad at you.

I couldn't see pictures of you being happy with someone else. I wanted that to be us. But I also needed to accept that it must not have been meant to be at that moment.

Today, I have my best friend back. It has taken time, tears, and trust, but I can happily say that you are back in my life. We are back to long chats about life, sports, and of course dogs. We are back to normal, or at least as normal as we can be, being the weirdos we are. We have our own lives separate from each other but we will always have our friendship.

I look forward to our long drives, movie marathons, cook-offs, and everything in between. We may not be together, but we are back to being best friends and I have missed that more than anything. Thank you for not giving up on me, even though I hated you for a while. I appreciate you for everything you do for me.

P.S.- Sorry again for the mascara stains