Did you find it funny when you started up a conversation with me at a frat party? Did you find it funny when you said that you were into me and that you weren’t talking to other girls? Did you find it funny when you texted me you were talking to other girls and that you hoped to “get lucky”? Because I didn’t. I didn’t find any of this funny. I hope someday I can find the humor in it like you did. But until then, I’m not laughing.

To the boy that found it funny. My friend told me to come to her sorority mixer with a frat from another school not too far away from me when I met him. This gorgeous and mysterious frat star who I thought could give me everything I wanted. But turns out, I didn’t want the games he was playing. It’s okay to not know what you want. But it’s not okay to settle for anything less than the respect that I deserve- and I deserve to be loved. Wholeheartedly. Even though it was my mistake that made you leave, you wouldn’t have left if you didn’t feel so insecure towards your “brother”. You would’ve stuck around to know that the one I was interested in was you. Instead, you dropped all contact with me. You forgot about me as if it was as easy as when we were laughing and interested in how each other’s day was.

To the boy that found it funny. I didn’t find it funny when I went on a family vacation and missed you so deeply that I could feel the pain in my bones. I didn’t find it funny when you were all I could think about when I was posting snapchat stories when the next time I should snapchat you something worthwhile could be or something that could strike up a potential conversation. Or even when I was posting on my story because I knew for a fact that you were going to see it, and if you didn’t then I would have to post another to make sure you did. I promise you I have self-respect. But when you took that away from me, with me willingly giving it to you, I lost myself in you. Even though we barely knew each other, I felt a connection with you a lot more than I did with other boys I talk to. In fact, when a boy approaches me at the bar, I introduce them to my friends because I know that no matter who I chose to talk to, no one will be as good as you.

To the boy that found it funny. I didn’t find it funny when I told you that you and your “brother” are nice guys and you replied with “thanks, but truth is we’re just a lovers”. At the time, I found that funny. However, I knew deep down that it was going to end badly. And maybe a part of me wanted it to end badly. Because that's all I've ever known. I knew that you weren’t secure enough in yourself to admit that you might actually have a soul and might not be as shallow as your fellow “brothers”. I was terrified of entering a relationship where you had feelings for me and I could potentially ruin it. So I ruined it before it got too far deep. I ruined it before you could hurt me. I beat you to that. And for some reason, at the time it was empowering. But now I am the one that is hurt and you’re the one that has moved on. Funny how that turns out.

To the boy that found it funny.