I still think of you sometimes. It doesn’t happen every day, only when I do things that make me think of you. I listen to an old song and the memories come flooding back. Talking to you every day. Watching movies on my couch. Getting food together. Going out together. Nerding out to the newest superhero movie trailer. It all washes over me, filling me with sadness. I wish you would have come that night. I wish you would have called me. I wish I would have known better than to let you back in. I wish I didn’t care as much. It has been so hard for me to let you go.

I see somebody that looks like you and my heart skips, half terror and half hope. The terror of you seeing me and feeling nothing; avoiding my gaze and breaking me into pieces all over again. The terror of seeing you with somebody else, being in love and forgetting everything that happened. The terror of loss all over again. Then there is the hope. The hope that you see me and realize you were wrong. The hope that you can come back into my life, like nothing ever happened. I wonder what you are doing right now. I don’t know if you ever think about us, our friendship, our everything. I still do.

I wish I had the courage to tell you how I felt. I knew I was out of luck though. I knew that you didn’t feel the same. You didn’t look at me the way I looked at you. You didn’t respect me. You never loved me. At least, not the way I loved you. I think you cared about me. But you cared more about yourself. And you always will. I could never change you. I guess I just stopped trying to. And then I realized how wrong I was. I was so blind to you and your ways.

You helped me though. You taught me about myself and what I want. You taught me about what I want out of a relationship. You taught me what I deserve from a man. You taught me to love myself. You taught me to accept the nerdy, embarrassing part of myself. You taught me warning signs of unrequited love. You taught me how to protect myself in the future. So thank you.

I hope that you find a girl that you deserve. I hope you find everything you’ve been looking for. I hope she makes you feel like flying. I hope you love her like I loved you. Because there is nothing better than it. And I wish you all the best. I hope you look at her the way I looked at you. I hope when I see you, I am happy about what happened. I can walk past someone who looks like you and my heart will continue to beat the same. A part of me will always love you, but that part of me will no longer control my emotions.