When I was little, I never fully understood the concept of death. I thought that someone would get sick and go away for quite some time, but then I realized that I would never see them again. I thought they were going to get healed from their pain, and realistically, they were. They needed to be healed, so they were, but I never realized that death would hit people that we are close with; we were all untouchable, or so it seemed. I remember you telling me the stories about your dad; how great he was, what he liked to do. I remember lying next to you, and thinking that you were so strong, because you knew what it felt like to lose someone, but you made it through.
Right now, you're aware that you’re coming close to losing another part of you. For a couple of years now, you've been worried about your best friend, because the human body doesn’t always do what makes us happy, and it’s really unfortunate that it has to be that way.
This road hasn’t been easy for anybody, and I think you know that better than the rest of us. This road has been paved of hope for good news, but the drop of a broken heart when the results are not what you wanted to hear. It has been paved of frustration, when you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. This road has been paved of tear-filled phone calls, and tear-stained pillows. This road has been a dark painful one, and I’m sorry that you had to walk down the road in the first place.
It seems so dark and hopeless, right?
This road has not always been dark, though, and I know that you know that better than the rest of us. This road has been paved of the love that you continue to spread, as if it’s a flower in bloom. This road is paved of care; all of the people who have lent a helping hand to make the walk down the seemingly dark road. This road has been paved of positivity. Without the positivity that you have spread, there would be no light as you continue to head down the path that you were afraid to walk down. I’m glad that you have chosen a path with light; you’ll get nowhere if you keep walking in the dark.
Mom, I know you’ve been walking with her down this road, and you’re afraid, because you will only lose something in the end. I know that you’re worried, because it’ll hurt you more than you could ever imagine.
But, I promise, you will never lose that which you are afraid to.
The beginning will be very hard. You will feel like there is a weight on you, and you will have days when you feel like the world is collapsing around you. Your heart will ache, because you know that you will never get to interact with her in the way that you did ever again. Your heart will ache; you will think that there is more you could have done. Your heart will ache, because you know that without her, everything is about to change, and you know that you can’t stop it. And your heart will ache without her presence on this earth.
But, Mom, she will never let go of you, and you will never let go of her.
She will always be a huge part of who you are.
She will be with you as you wake up every morning; she will be with you as you go to bed. She will be with you as you continue to take care of our family, and she will be there when you take care of hers. She will be with you through moments when you sparkle; you will certainly hit rock bottom, but she will be there through that. She will be every sunrise, every sunset. She will be the oxygen filling your lungs, and she will be the beat in your heart. She will be the mountains; there’s nothing that could ever move her from you. And it will be hard, because you can’t physically see her as a human being, but you will see her around you in everything you do. I promise.
My sweet momma bear, I wish I could heal your pain. You are the most beautiful soul to walk this earth, and I am forever grateful for you; the love I have for you is endless. My heart is heavy that life is not completely okay right now, but I know that you will make it through, because you are so strong.
I know that she is, was, and will forever be grateful for your friendship and for your love. Don’t you dare let go of that.
I love you, and I’m sorry that this is happening right now.
I love you so much, and so does she.
Everything will be okay. I promise.
