You don’t really know me, but we have something in common. Or I guess, someone in common. When I first found out who you were, there were about a million things I wanted to say to you, each more cruel and vindictive than the next. When I saw you with him that night, it took everything in me not to punch you in the throat in the middle of the bar. I don’t know you, and I definitely don’t like you, but I will admit that I’ve been in your shoes before. You may get a dirty look from me and my friends if we see you anywhere, but I know what it’s like to be in your position and I know that as much as I wish I could blame you, this isn’t your fault.

You didn’t know about me. He didn’t tell you, and it would be unfair for me to hold that against you. I was exactly like you about eight months ago. I met him when he was involved with someone else that I didn’t know about, and I took him out from under her without even knowing she existed. Even when I did find out about her, I didn’t really feel bad. I didn’t know her, and he made it seem like she wasn’t all that important to him anyway, even though she was still texting him almost daily. To me, she was just another random girl trying to get his attention, but as I found out later, she apparently meant a lot more to him than that before I was in the picture, and whether you know it yet or not, this is the situation you currently find yourself in.

I found out that he took you home the night that I saw you two together at the bar. You don’t know this, but we had an agreement for a significant amount of time before that night that we wouldn’t hook up with other people, even though we weren’t officially a couple. For obvious reasons I was not happy, so I sat him down a few days after this happened and we had a serious conversation about everything. We talked about all of the things he had said to me in the past about me and about our pseudo-relationship. We talked about how much he was taking advantage of me, and how embarrassing and disrespectful it was for him to be with you right in front of me. The last thing I told him was that like it or not, I knew he felt something real for me, and that he could lie to his friends or to my friends, or to every random hot girl he came across, but that he couldn’t lie to me about it. As unemotional of a person as he generally tends to be, in that moment he had to stop himself from crying because he knew I was right. Fast-forward two weeks after this conversation, and for some reason I will never understand, he’s with you now. He spent seven months adamantly claiming he didn’t want a girlfriend and wasn’t ready for a relationship, while also confessing to a lot of very strong feelings and eventually admitting that he was terrified of the way I made him feel and afraid to commit to being with me. Seven months in a strange limbo of staunchly refusing to accept the feelings that were obviously there (even after that night he took you home) and here’s the kicker: he still chose you. I’m sure that makes you feel really special. Maybe he’s told you some things about me, or about the other girls from his past. Maybe you think I’m crazy, or they’re crazy, and maybe you think he’s going to be different for you. Maybe you think that he sees a future with you. And maybe you think that he’s the guy that might finally treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

I thought all of those things too, but none of them ended up being true for me. I wasn’t special, he wasn’t willing to change for me, he didn’t believe that I could be a part of his future, and he definitely didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He spent so much time telling me how much he liked me and trusted me, but that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, while still making me promise to be faithful to him and honest with him and act like we were dating even though we never were. I don’t know how you changed his mind about all of this in less than a month, but I have to give you credit for it. He was never willing to change like that to be with me, but all those months we spent together must have helped him realize something, because he obviously changed for you. I didn’t get to finish what I started, but maybe you can. Maybe you’ll be able to teach him how to treat a girl with the respect she deserves. Maybe you can show him that it’s okay to have feelings and emotions and that he doesn’t have to try so hard to be cold and heartless all the time. Maybe you can be everything that he was too afraid to let me be. Maybe you really can change him.

I just want to make sure that you keep watching out for yourself while you’re with him. He isn’t a fan of mine anymore, but that doesn’t change the fact that I know him very well, better than most of the girls before me did. I know how perfect and beautiful everything seems when you’re spending time around him and I know how good he can make you feel. I also know that he gets bored very easily, and he can change his mind about a girl with absolutely no warning. That’s what happened to me, and I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you. I don’t want you to get burned the way I did, I don’t want you to feel the pain that I felt, and I don’t want you to spend every day feeling sick to your stomach, trying to figure out why you weren’t good enough and wondering what in the world you did that gave him the right to screw you over so badly when you know that you were nothing short of everything he asked you to be.

Don’t get me wrong here; I still do not like you. I will probably always resent you at least a little bit for taking him from me, but I also don’t want to watch you become another one of his victims. Enjoy the time that you have with him, but don’t let the way that he makes you feel cloud your judgment, because he can take all of that away from you just as easily as he gave it out. From one girl to another, be careful with your heart. I have no kind words for him, but I do wish you well, and I hope things work out better for you than they did for me.