To my rapist, you’re the biggest asshole that walks this Earth in my eyes. You, yourself, are the worst person that I have ever had the chance of ever encountering.
You are the person to thank, though, as ridiculous as that sounds.
You made me seem like a fool and a liar in a state that I didn’t belong in. You single-handedly mutilated a friendship that I tried to hard to keep tightly-knit for over 17 years. YOU RUINED IT.
So thanks, you son of a bitch. Thank you for making me squirm every time I stay alone in my apartment. Thank you for making me second guess myself whenever someone compliments my outfit. Thank you for making me have nightmares every single night for a year about what happened. Thank you for ruining my “clean” sense of self. Thank you for not being able to keep it in your pants.
I hate the fact that I can thank you for so many negative aspects. I hate that I am able to give you so much credit for ruining my life. I hate you. I hate you so much and I wish that I could say it to your stupid British face. I do have a question for you though. Why? Why did you choose me? Out of everyone who was there, what made me so special? Was it the fact that you didn’t know me? Was it my southern accent? Was it the fact that I was just a stupid teenager who didn’t know right from wrong? Except, I do know right from wrong. I know that it was wrong of you to give me roofies. I know it was wrong of you to take advantage of me. I know it was wrong of you to give me those bruises, those scratches, those abrasions, those scars.
But I know it was wrong of me to never tell.
So thank you, yet again. Thank you for showing me how strong I truly am. Thank you for showing me that I have a voice and that it does matter. Thank you for showing me to never trust anyone. Thank you for leaving me alone and never speaking to me again.
The fact that I never have to see your face again truly excites every ounce in my being.
I’m not saying thanks for doing what you did, because what you did was wrong, and you should have went to prison. What you did is definitely okay, and I will never be the same no matter how hard I try. But I’m saying thanks for making me stronger; for making me find what I really want in life.
For making me find someone that isn’t like you at all.
So thank you.
